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varun
Sunbaked

Registered: Dec 2003
Location: Bangkok

Help me help my friend

Hey people,
Currently I'm sharing my apt with a mate who's the same age as i am i.e 22. I am working at the moment and he is currently doing 'nothing'. He had an entrance exam for uni but missed that a few months back and he has resat for the exam and is awaiting his results.
Anyways, about a month ago he got involved with this 19 yr old girl he met on the Internet. This was not via chatroom but more like he looked at her picture,pm'ed her and they met up.
A lot has transpired since he met her the first time. The two of them are together now and all seemed well to me the past couple of weeks.
About 3 weeks ago this guy told me that he had unprotected sex with the girl but he said that he had given her the pill within 24 hours.
I told him to go and get her checked up just to be sure and I don't think he has gotten down to it yet probably because of fear. He said that she had done one of the home pregnancy tests but was uncertain about the result as those need to be done PRECISELY as per the instructions for a fairly accurate result. He says that some symptoms have shown i.e nausea,back ache.

My question is:

This guy has not even finished his graduation. He currently has no money(his father sends him money every month) but he is in debt and after paying off what he owed he is now left with nothing. He owes me a month's rent but I don't think he can give it right now considering the circumstances. He has no job and the girl is a part-time singer and earns enough to handle her daily expenses. He keeps asking me what to do but I don't know what to tell him. He's reassuring himself that everything will be ok and that he will be able to handle the responsibility of a father(if she is pregnant) and a husband AND a university student as well. I have known him since before we were roommates and he can just about take care of himself. On top of that, he's highly irresponsible and unfocused.
Honestly, there is a limit to which I can help(financially and as a friend as well).Ever since he got together with this girl he has completely neglected all his other friends including myself.
What would be the best thing to tell him?

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Nov-08-2004 09:12 India

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sensorium
Supreme tranceaddict

Registered: Jun 2004
Location:

Start off by telling him to get a job. I think he can manage having a job and attending school, that is if the woman is not pregnat. If she's pregnant, then your friend should just get the job or two jobs.

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Nov-08-2004 09:17 United States

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Spacey Orange
still loves trance.

Registered: Jul 2004
Location: California

Tell "your friend" to get off his lazy ass and get a job. There is no reason why u or his dad should support him. This 'help' that you give him only prolongs his laziness, lack of reponsibility, and immaturity.

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Last edited by Spacey Orange on Nov-08-2004 at 09:25

Nov-08-2004 09:19 United States

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PhloTron
EJECT EJECT EJECT !!!

Registered: Jun 2002
Location: Isle of Spam

Re: Help me help my friend

quote:
Originally posted by varun
What would be the best thing to tell him?

Leg'go my Eggo

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Nov-08-2004 09:23 United States

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Lira
Ancient BassAddict

Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Brasilia, Brazil

Other than the obvious (if they're not responsible enough to have sex, they shouldn't have done in the first place), I'd tell your friend first to chill out, as she's taken the pill and it seems it only happened once - the odds of getting pregnant in such scenario is somewhat remote (albeit possible). Once he calms down, he'll manage to deal with the situation better.

As for the job, that's pretty obvious, he should get one by now. And if you think he's not spending much time with his friends anymore, talk to him about it. If you don't tell him your opinion, he won't be able to notice it. Be straight-forward, but friendly, and this should be helpful.

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Nov-08-2004 11:48 Brazil

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cozzmik
tranceaddict in training

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Wellington

Don't let him marry the girl just because she is prego (if she IS pregnant) I have seen so many people tie the knot because they think they are doing the "right" thing and end up in a nasty divorce a few years later. This is NOT helpful to the poor kid stuck in the middle. If he thinks he is ready to be a father just give him your support, he will have to figure it out the hard way. Just remember, support is not the same as a hand out.

k that's my advice I'm twired

Nov-08-2004 12:05 New Zealand