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People most likely found at a dance/club event.
1. CANDY RAVERS
The fluoro set, who think they own the scene and rant on about how theyve been doin it since they are 13, wear silly fluro hats or glowsticks on thier teeth etc,
2. ROID BOYS
nonecked big ****s body builders who take thier shirt off and are so doped up to the eyeballs on coke its not funny, only silicon enhanced maria's are attrcted to these posers.
MEMO TO ROID FREAKS
other heterosexual men dont wanna see your pecs
3. SCUMBAG PARANOID TEENAGE DRUG DEALER
In tracksuit, sweating with twitchy eyes and twitchy brain. Chain smokes. Fave saying - "not here, not here, there's undercovers about". Gives chicks free pills if he feels he's got half a chance.
4. COCKERNEE WIDE BOY RAVE PROMOTER
Wears Ben Sherman and rapidly approaching the wrong side of 40. Either off buying a sports car or running from bailiffs depending on how the last party went. Fave saying - "leave it ahhht. Facking Carl Cox wants tah come ahhht on a first class tick'it. Cancel the facking lasers." Gives chicks free pills if he feels he's got half a chance.
5. UP HIS ÅRSE WÅ.NKER DJ
Wears record label long sleeve T-Shirt. Quite often overweight. Entourage to carry his record box complete with completely bored looking glamour snobby bîtch girlfriend. Fave saying - "yeah man, I got this white label direct from the US. Won't be out here for ages. Sorry I can't tell you what it is. Part of the agreement and all that." Gives chicks free pills if he feel he's got half a chance.
6. BORING OLD FARTS THAT WHINGE
Used to go to raves in 1994 and believes the dance music scene has gone too 'commercial'. Rants and brags about the days when the pills were stronger, girls were easier, music was better, people weren't fake and there for the show, and there weren't so many undercover cops, or d's. Spends most of his time these days doing gardening and looking for home furniture. Fave saying "the dance music scene isn't the same anymore, its lost its soul".
7. PEOPLE WILL SIGNIFICANT EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS
Takes drugs as an escape mechanism for life's problems whether these be a failed relationship, early pregnancy and the following abortion or birth, family death, poor social skills or just plain f*cked up in the head. Fave saying "I used to love Johnny but its alright now, I'm over him, its alright" just before dropping the 12th pill for the night.
7. COOL DUDE WHO WORKS AT SEVEN ELEVEN
Impossibly cool looking dude with obligatory, hot girlfriend who actually doesnt dance, do drugs or listen to music, walks around all night parading himself and his $300 dollar designer glasses to all and sundry, usually seen next day working at seven eleven, red rooster or any other fast food establishment
8. STONED OFF HER T@TS QUASI UGLY CHICK
So scattered she just wants to dance with any guy, spreads herself around, to any guy usually shakes booty with the best of them, as a weight problem, and wears designer JLO tinted sunglasses, but on closer inspection is just an ugly mole.
9. THE DECEPTICON
The girls that wears a hat and/or glasses and looks really hot, for you only to discover when taking them off later she really is butt ugly! Seen at many a nightclub or rave event.
10. KNOB WHO WANTS TO TAKE PICTURES OF EVERYONE
Either workd for a website or street magazine and trolls around alnight loooking to take pictures of anyone and everyone, usually targets hot groups of women or 18-year old groups of ethnics
11. THE IMPOSSIBLY HOT CHICK
Scorchingly Hot, tanned, blonde chick who dances by herself for most of teh night cos most of the guys are intimidated by her, at 4am when the pills kick in dances with some ugly troll whos the only one with da balls to boogie wit her.
12 DJ LACKEY
Similar to one mentioned earlier hangs around the front, taking pictures of dj, or hoping at the end of the set to get autograph or momento, than brags to all and sundry'' oh my god i got to meet.....insert dj name
13.THE FIRST TIMER
Usually bought up on a diet of acdc and other bogan rock, bought along by gf or workmates to his first rave, skeptical at first but after his first pill, dances like a mother****** and then proclaims, for the first time in my life i dont wanna beer or fuck this is fun
14. THE ADDICTIVE CLUBBER
The person you see at the same club everytime you go. The person that much have absolutely no life because it doesn't matter whether its a Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat or Sun they are there to be seen. The occasional 2 month break occurs when they get a boyfriend/girlfriend, but this is shirtlived because they feel caged in when there partner doesn't see the fun in clubbing 3 nights a week. This person has't enjoyed a Sunday in the last 4 years.
15. THE SLEAZY CLUB OWNER
Thinks that owning a club is a form of penis extension and girls will sleep with him due to free entry/drugs/drinks.
16. THE MIDDLE AGED "CRAZY"
Wears original tie dyed psychedelic gear with no shoes, long hair and beard. Probably over 50 but difficult to be sure. Dances by himself like an absolute maniac whilst off his skull on LSD. Favourite saying - "I can communicate to Gaia directly man. Mushrooms are like God's gift to mankind, in fact homosapiens are decended from psychedelic taking homonids. Our brain developmnent is all fuelled by psychedelics man. This is all just a tribal ritual." Nobody goes anywhere near him and all the kiddie ravers watch from a distance trying to work out how old he actually is and how "cool" it is that he still goes to raves.
16. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS/MR NAIVETY
Usually wet behind the ears, 18 or 19 and is shocked and suprised by the level of drug abuse/taking thats going on usually mutters to friend gee therers are lot of stoned people here.
17. VIN DIESEL WANNABEES
Arrogant shaven head body bulders, who think they own the joint, usually mid to late twenties, wear bandanas and think that any women will fall under his muscular spell, usally seen in toilets snorting.
18. COWBOY HAT HOTTIES
Usually seen in conjunction with number 17, also seen on speakerboxes, usually wearing bood tube, halter top and short skirt, either eurochix in thier late teens or late twenties
19.DUMB C@NT ETHNICS
Usually in thier late teens or early 20s, hang out in groups and star calling you bro and dude just b4 they ask u whether 'you got any flickies or luwy' (and no not frank lowy), conversation usually punctured with 'c@nt' or static.
Feel free to indicate which TA members fit which catagory.
Its not all my work, but some is, and thought it was good for a laugh.
Wonder if we can get it to 50...
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Nathan Fake - Outhouse (Valentino Kanzyani Remix) 
