Here's a funny story for you:

When we were in Year 9, my friend was having a party at his house as his parents had gone away. We were very young at the time as you can gather, and this was probably the first "proper party" that any of our friends had ever had. Another of my friends, lets call him "X" was out at another party beforehand. As he was young, naive and inexperienced, X got totally wasted on about 3/4 bottle of tequila, and could barely stand up after it.

Anyways, the party was rocking at my friend's house when X arrived in a car with a couple of other (much older) friends. X somehow managed to get out of the car and collapse on the driveway. Eventually, he half stumbled (with assistance) inside.

X then proceeded to sit down on the floor and start mumbling some incoherent rubbish because he was so pissed. This continued for a while, and it was quite amusing to watch our young, pissed friend. This was all new to us, as we hadn't really associated with alcohol before. Well, what happened next will go down in folklore as one of the great party moments.

He pissed his pants in front of everyone!!!! There was probably about 20 people who saw it, and let me just say, it was hilarious. It started as a slow trickle, and eventually there was a small puddle left on the tiled floor.


Well it was pretty funny for me, anyway. Hope you enjoy my lame story!

quote:

Originally posted by Vigilante He pissed his pants in front of everyone!!!! There was probably about 20 people who saw it, and let me just say, it was hilarious. It started as a slow trickle, and eventually there was a small puddle left on the tiled floor.

Lucky it was tiled

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If you can't be good, at least be good at it!

sorry bass had to use it on someone and this thread was perfect for it.

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Oh, life is bigger ,It's bigger than you,And you are not me,The lengths that I will go to, The distance in your eyes ,Oh no, I've said too much, I set it up

That's me in the corner, That's me in the spotlight, I'm Losing my religion, Trying to keep up with you ,And I don't know if I can do it, Oh no, I've said too much,I haven't said enough, I thought that I heard you laughing, I thought that I heard you sing, I think I thought I saw you try.

But that was just a dream, That was just a dream, But that was just a dream, Try, cry, why try? That was just a dream ,Just a dream, just a dream, Dream

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Moral: Women can be evil bitches. Don't mess with them.

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A woman is getting dressed up to go out, while her husband is watching TV.

She's got her little black dress on, but she's not satisfied. "My face is all blotchy, my hair's a mess, my boobs aren't big enough and my arse looks huge in this dress. Cheer me up, pay me a compliment."

Her husband looks at her for a moment, and says "your eyesight's f*ckin perfect"

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This is truly a heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human race.

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less... adopted her as a kind of project mascot.

They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope containing a dollar. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the dollar she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last week with a construction crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied... "I will if those useless c*#ts at Bunnings ever bring us the fu%^ng gyprock"

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If you can't be good, at least be good at it!

quote:

Originally posted by webmeister A woman is getting dressed up to go out, while her husband is watching TV. She's got her little black dress on, but she's not satisfied. "My face is all blotchy, my hair's a mess, my boobs aren't big enough and my arse looks huge in this dress. Cheer me up, pay me a compliment." Her husband looks at her for a moment, and says "your eyesight's f*ckin perfect"

LOL

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