hope you guys enjoy! All input appreciated

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QnB7YLKUoso

I quite like some of this, the vocal hook (melody) is very catchy, but seriously, the lyrics!?!?!!?

They sound like the sort of thing a rapist would sing:

"Your body's a temple,
that I'm gonna raid,
there ain't nothing that I won't take,
gotta get in you,
gotta get in you."

eh?

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Last edited by Avatar One on Sep-15-2010 at 17:20

hahaa, im glad u liked some of it. and the vocals werent written by me but they're not that bad :X

quote:

Originally posted by Emvy hahaa, im glad u liked some of it. and the vocals werent written by me but they're not that bad :X

They are a bit... disturbing.

Not that there's necessarily anything wrong with that.

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Nice production skills at work.

I'm with Avatar One on the lyrics though. For a native English speaker that is borderline parody and seriously lacks the finess needed to sell a song about the hunka chunka.
They don't do the song justice I'm afraid and it's not that they are disturbing, they are just plain terrible. Nothing wrong with the singing though, that fits the song well, but the content needs to be revised, at least in the chorus.

To elaborate a bit further, if you are to apeal to a female audience you need something that sounds a little less like you will deflower her at all costs including but not limited to rohypnol... And more along the lines of how she makes you feel.

Get rid of the raging teenage hormones chorus and insert smooth cassanova who just lurves the lady and all that she is p.s. let's get it on, and I think it would be better.

Maybe I'm too pedantic about the language, just calling it how I see it.

As I said though, over all it is a really good track and the voice of the singer is also good.

I did enjoy listening to it and due to the chorus it's not one I will forget in a while.
If you took this to a label it wouldn't surprise me if they also asked you to change it. But hey, I have been wrong before.

Cheers
Nem

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I appreciate the feedback Nem!

btw, what do you guys think about the production? Its not anything AMAZING but i'd still love to hear your thoughts on my part of the work too, rather than just the vocals!

quote:

Originally posted by Emvy I appreciate the feedback Nem!

Maybe I was a bit harsh on the vocal… Hope I didn’t offend as there are good things too and I may have focused a bit much on it. It definitely isn’t a love song though lol…

As a track though, it sounds good. The mix down might do with a bit of work but then youtube makes it very difficult to comment on technical aspects of music as it can make stuff sound different. What you might want to do though is to boost some of the vocal frequencies around 1.5 and reduce the track and all its elements with a slight dip at the same range, just to make it cut through a bit more. You could perhaps even set up some ducking/sidechain on those frequencies but remember to set the attack and release a little less harshly to make it sound more natural.
From an artistic point of view, what you might want to try is to start the verse with just percussion and bass plus vocal and build it towards the chorus by adding elements gradually. Just an idea.

You might also want to consider perhaps having an effect on the verse and taking it off for the chorus. Been done a million times but still works.


Cheers
Nem

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