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This is cheesy yes, but considering the booring as batshit prog that seems to be infecting every form of trance these days, if I heard a melody as brutally honest as that on a dancefloor, I think I would cry and probably go off.
Definately try to tone down the cheese factor. Make the snare and percs less squeaky clean and darken up the lead just a tad.
Give it a bit more sincerity... lush pads in the background maybe tend to work.
Also, its lacking resolution. Cheesy melodies like that need to lead somewhere thats beautiful and original and not be the entire focus of a track imho. Cheese means overused and cliche, if you can prove that melody isnt the entire focus, then you can probably get away with it.
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