If Dubya took a call from Jean
Time to inject some humour for the day!  I read this in today's Globe and Mail (in Toronto):
"If Dubya took a call from Jean"
by Orland French
Fri, May 9, 2003
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Somewhere in the White House . . .
"Excuse me, Mr. President, Your Supreme Warriorness, sir, a man from Canada is on the phone."
"From where?"
"Canada, sir. It's the Prime Minister, Mr. Kitchen."
"Tell him I'm having dinner with the President of Kookoorootoo."
"He won't believe me, sir. I told him that last week."
"Well, then, tell him I'm barbecuing beef with the High Pontiff of South Scuzziland."
"Yes, sir, your Dubyaship. But he says it's urgent. He wants a share of the space missile defence system."
"Does he? Has he got the Canadian Army's Jeep out of the garage yet? That's why he couldn't go to Iraq -- the Jeep was in for a brake job."
"Give me the phone. Hey, Gene! How're ya?"
"It's Jean, Mr. President."
"Good, good. That's fine by me. How are all the folks in Oshawa?"
"It's Ottawa, Mr. President."
"Sorry to hear that. So, you want a piece of the space action?"
"Well, you know me, I'm not sure about a piece of the space. But we share the same continent, you know, so maybe, like I say to Aline, we could be having a satellite of the U.S. up in the space even though we try not to be a satellite of the U.S. down here on the ground."
"You wanna run that by me again, Jeans?"
"No, Mr. President, I'm not going to run again. Me, I have already won the three elections. That's one more than you can win. So, like I say to Aline, there is a time to run and a time to walk, and now I am taking off the jogging suit."
"That's good. You don't need to jog. You know, you can work up a good sweat if you swagger a lot. I'm really into that. Did you catch my act on the USS Lincoln last week? The reason we used the aircraft carrier was because there was so much swagger room on the deck. I've ordered the video for all my friends for Christmas. Great stuff. You should try to put more swagger in your step."
"When you came in by jet, I thought you were in a missile, Mr. President."
"You know, Jeans, we're gonna put one of those down in front of the White House. No more helicopters on the lawn. Screeching jets. That'll show them."
"Show who, Mr. President?"
"The people who want to destroy America. We know they're out there. And we're not going to stand for it."
"Well, okay, maybe. How can we help? You know, we have the good aerospace factories and we have built the Canada's arm, so maybe we could build you a good cheap satellite."
"Sure thing, Jeans. You folks in Canada have some good technology. By the way, how are those Hercules aircraft you guys are flying? Are they still everything they're cracked up to be? And the helicopters? You really should get rid of those things. Sell them to Iran or North Korea, and we'll use them for target practice."
"I dunno about that. Maybe we could sell you enough satellites to afford to buy new helicopters from you."
"Right, Jeans. Tell you what. You can build satellites to protect your share of North America. We'll put them in orbit right over Calgary and Hamilton and Shawinigan, where Canadians can look up in the sky on a bright, clear night, point with pride to their satellite and say, 'Oops, it's falling!' "
"Very funny, Mr. President."
"Thank you, Jeans. Did I make a joke?"
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 It's funny in so many ways!
Here's the URL for the online version: http://www.globeandmail.com/servlet...ment/TopStories
EDIT: I particularly like this article because it satirizes both the Canadian and U.S. leaders. 
Last edited by Alccode on May-09-2003 at 16:42
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