I picked up those floating around the net... i suppose a few of ya have allready heard em... but at least its not a repost =)


1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes.

6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.

7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blown apart.

14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

17. Every calendar's days are numbered.

18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine.

19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

22. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. (my favorite!)

23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

29. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat

ooooo jeeeez!

___________________

It has to start somewhere,
It has to start sometime,
What better place then here?
What better time than now?
--Rage Against the Machine

quote:

24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

This reminds me of another one using the same sounds. Can't remember it exactly, but here goes:

There were once two identical twins, named Juan and Ahmal. Unfortunately, when they were born their parents couldn't afford to raise them so they had to give them to a foster family. Some 20-odd years later, their son Juan sends them a picture of himself - it is the first time either of the two parents have seen their children since birth. The father looks at the photo and leans back in thought while the mother's face grows a large smile. However, soon after the mother sees the photo she starts to get sad again. When the father asks her what's wrong, she says she wishes she had a picture of Ahmal. The father says:


***here it is***

"Don't worry honey, once you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

HA! Ok well not very funny, but very clever imo