you do whatever your friend needs. she probably doesn't know what she needs, so you're just there for her. simple, helpful things like cooking meals and keeping her company (and leaving her alone when she wants it) mean a lot.

let her grieve, trying to mitigate and mollify the pain can be counterproductive. let her be as angry, upset and hurt as she wants to be -- it's a time of pretty raw emotion.

just be her friend.

Last edited by daffodil on Aug-22-2003 at 03:34

guess this is very hard... the first week or so, just be support and do whatever she wants and after that, lets go out and have some fun, she neeed to think of something else then and go on with her life! and leave her alone... that's a good way for her to think throght things... guess that don't work for everybody though...

be there. words cant do anything. just let her know that anything she needs is hers and then take her out to lunch or something where she wont be surrounded by a family she doesnt have.

I think death is great, not saying that you should die or anything they probly went to a beter place.
Some people say that this is hell which i wouldnt dout for a second but there is no such thing as END life goes on you just dont die your reencarnated your soul goes into a newbirth no regalect of past life BUT think of it i saw on the news or something about this like 5 or 6 year old saw his dad playing piano and the kid started playing by ear like he had been doing it for 20 years and he says he just likes to play well fella welcome back...but if this is true which by now you think im crazy but i have my opinions and if this is hell and you can only go to a better place...im there.

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Figure out what to do, then take a nap.

quote:

Originally posted by gwrmarines I think death is great

i understand what ur saying (and dont agree with it at all) but u could have put it a bit better then that man.

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Top 5

Nick Rowland - Be Alive
OD404 - 9 Bar (Dark By Design Remix
Guyver - How Far
K8 - Sanctuary
Jez & Charlie - It's About The Music

well, i dealt with it by keeping myself occupied and not thinking too much abt it

get out, talk to ppl, have fun with ur mate and shit like that.

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Found Atlantis - Mixography [mix archive/mokumentary/my soul]?
i writed a song.

quote:

Originally posted by daffodil you do whatever your friend needs. she probably doesn't know what she needs, so you're just there for her. simple, helpful things like cooking meals and keeping her company (and leaving her alone when she wants it) mean a lot. let her grieve, try to mitigate and mollify the pain can be counterproductive. let her be as angry, upset and hurt as she wants to be -- it's a time of pretty raw emotion. just be her friend.

best advice i've ever heard...

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quote:

Venus: And there are troops of savage giraffes whose necks are on fire, like the starry ejaculations of fireworks in the very pale sky of childhood ... Venus: Enter, enter here - men of all kinds and races, victims of reality! You who have the thirst for dreams. ... Venus: You, on life's bitter road, drenched in hard sunlight who have the thirst that once more the dark marvel of dreams...

quote:

Originally posted by gwrmarines I think death is great, not saying that you should die or anything they probly went to a beter place. Some people say that this is hell which i wouldnt dout for a second but there is no such thing as END life goes on you just dont die your reencarnated your soul goes into a newbirth no regalect of past life BUT think of it i saw on the news or something about this like 5 or 6 year old saw his dad playing piano and the kid started playing by ear like he had been doing it for 20 years and he says he just likes to play well fella welcome back...but if this is true which by now you think im crazy but i have my opinions and if this is hell and you can only go to a better place...im there.

Telling somebody that just lost somebody close to them that there beloved went to a better place is basically telling them they are sobbing over nothing. I'd hope somebody knocks your lights out if you tried to pass that religion bullshit off on them while they are mourning the death of somebody close. It's an intensely personal thing. The permanence of death can't possibly be understood by someone until somebody close to them dies. If you go crazy when your best mate is gone for a couple of days, take that to the depths of infinity and multiply it by forever and you might have a glimpse of what im talking about (to paraphrase a quote out of a great but slightly cheesy movie).

Believe me im not passing religion off as bullshit, all attempts to take an analytical look at it I have ever undertaken have yielded the same results, ergo, i don't believe in a "greater being". The quick witted of the bunch will be quick to point out you can't "analyze" religion, you just have to believe it, and i'll be quick to tell them, you can't "analyze" the prospects of human flight, you have to jump off a really high cliff and try it yourself.

It's disrespectful, (especially if they aren't even religious).... I guess thats just my opinion though, not trying to flame or anything. Sorry for the harsh overtones.

*edit* edited for readability and grammatical purposes aswell as some more personal feelings on the issue.

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quote:

Venus: And there are troops of savage giraffes whose necks are on fire, like the starry ejaculations of fireworks in the very pale sky of childhood ... Venus: Enter, enter here - men of all kinds and races, victims of reality! You who have the thirst for dreams. ... Venus: You, on life's bitter road, drenched in hard sunlight who have the thirst that once more the dark marvel of dreams...

Last edited by SuperFarStucker on Aug-22-2003 at 03:28

My Father died EXACTLY a year ago. Literally, on this day last year my Father passed away.

The best thing for you to help this person out is by being their shoulder to cry and lean on. If they need to yell and scream, you sit there and listen. Don't spout the "it will get better" bullshit. When someone that close to you dies, and someone tries to see the bright side of the situation, (which to her, there is no bright side right now,) it feels like empty gestures. Just reach your arms out and give her a hug. Let her soak your shirt with her tears. It is about her right now. She feels alone and hurt. She is angry and confused.

It will take more than a week (like someone said) for her to get over this. She will be upset for quite a while. And even though it may come to a time where it may seem like it is time for her to get over it, don't stop acting like this is about anything but her. Don't forget she needs you badly right now, and will need you until things really do start to feel better. She needs someone to pour her heart out. Don't make her feel bad for "wasting" your time. Just let her know you are there for her.

Small gestures like helping her out with meals (as someone mentioned,) talking with her until the wee hours of the morning, crying with her, or just lying in silence together, is all very important. Losing someone like your mother or father is heart wrenching. It can be one of the most difficult things in life to deal with. I cannot express how important it is that she has someone there for her at all times. I personally became very depressed, and almost committed suicide. Things really feel empty and pointless when someone you love is not there with you. That's why you need to give her the love her mother is not there to give. Think of it that way. You have to give her 2X the love than before, because now you have to do it for her mom too.

This REALLY hits home with me. Take my word for it, this will be one of the hardest things she will go through in her life. And as for yourself; I can tell you, it will really get you thinking about your own family, their mortality and your own, and will put your life into perspective.

I send my deepest condolences, and I truly hope she gets through this OK. I can say now that there is light at the end of the long dark tunnel. It is a rough road, but it can be smoothed with great friends, and supportive family.