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Todays dd jokes
One night, a torrential rain soaked South Louisiana.
The next morning the resulting floodwaters came up about 6 feet into most of the homes. Mrs. Boudreaux was sitting on her roof with her neighbor, Mrs. Thibodeaux, waiting for help to come.
Mrs. Thibodeaux noticed a baseball cap, floating near the house. Then she saw it float far out into the front yard, then float back to the house. It kept floating away from the house, then back towards the house.
Her curiosity got the best of her so she asked Mrs. Boudreaux "Do you see dat dere baseball cap a floatin' away from the house, den back again?"
Mrs. Boudreaux said, "Oh yeah, dass my husban. I tole dat jackass he gonna cut the grass today come hell or high water."
A young lady who thought she was overweight went to see a dietitian. She walked into his office and asked several questions about dieting, exercise, and other things. Her final question to the dietitian was strange, however. She asked: "How many calories are in sperm?"
"Why?" he replied.
At which the porker launched into an explicit description of her voracious sexual proclivities.
After thinking a minute he said, "I don't know how many calories there are in sperm, exactly, but if you are consuming that much of it, then is anybody really going to care if you're a little chunky?!"
Todays worst joke:
A fish and an eel were in a pond, swimming around.
The eel eats the fish, and the fish gets digested and shitted out of the eel. Another fish gets put into the pond, and he goes and sniffs the poo. The eel asks what the fish is doing sniffing the poo, and the fish tells him a story about the time when he ate a fish, and how the shit came back to haunt him. The ell says "bullshit fish", to which the fish responds "i shit you not you fish eating eel", so the eel says, "You may shit me not, but I am going to shit you" and eats him.
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