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Todays dd jokes
A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher shocked at the answer; dunks him into the water again for a little longer this time.
He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus, my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again - but this time holds him down for about a minute, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up. The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?!"
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher: "Are you sure this is where he fell in?!"
A priest, a rabbi, a minister, a blonde and a lawyer walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says: "What is this, some kind of joke?!"
Todays worst joke:
An older lady was somewhat lonely and decided she needed a pet to keep her company........ So off to the pet shop she went......
She searched and searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this ugly frog...... As she walked by the jar he was in, she looked and he winked at her......
He whispered , "IM LONELY TOO, BUY ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY."
The old lady figured....WHAT THE HECK, she hadn't found anything else.
She bought the frog and put him in the car........
Driving down the road the frog whispered to her "KISS ME AND YOU WONT BE SORRY"................
So the old lady figured WHAT THE HECK, and kissed the frog.
IMMEDIATELY the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous sexy young handsome prince.
THE PRINCE THEN KISSED THE OLD LADY BACK..........
AND GUESS WHAT THE OLD LADY TURNED INTO???????????
COME ON GUESS??????
OOOOOOOHHHHHHH COME ON
SHE TURNED INTO THE FIRST MOTEL SHE COULD FIND....................
She's old.......NOT DEAD!!!!!
 
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