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To All TOTAs in University:
Canadian Terminology: Universities as Grammar
Guelph - v; to vomit due to drinking
Usage : If I have one more shot, I think I'll Guelph.
York -- v; to spit out a large, coughed-up phlegm loogie with chunks in it.
Usage : "hack!" "puhtooie!" Mmmm ... I just Yorked.
Ryerson -- v; to claim to be something you are not.
Usage : He totally Ryersoned on me man, it's only four inches!
Queen's -- v; to act superior, the opposite of humble
Usage: That dude was totally Queens.
Trent -- n; giant green floating poop.
Usage : Dude, I just hung a major Trent!
Lakehead -- v; to forget everything.
Usage : Shit, I went completely Lakehead on that exam!
Windsor -- v; party, slack-off
Usage : Why study when you can Windsor!
Western -- v; to obtain commitment-free sex.
Usage : We're going out to the bar to see if we can Western tonight.
Carleton -- n; easy access.
Usage : She was wearing jogging pants; it was real Carleton.
Ottawa -- n; horrible french accent.
Usage : He speaks with an Ottawa.
McMaster -- v; to pleasure oneself.
Usage : He's in his room McMastering.
Laurentian -- n; a desperate plea.
Usage : Please, I Laurentian you!
McGill -- v; swelling of the head.
Usage : Her head has completely McGilled!
Nippissing -- v; to void an enlarged bladder.
Usage : I just drank 16 beers, I freaking need to Nippissing.
R.M.C. -- n; severe beating.
Usage : He got a savage R.M.C.!
Waterloo -- v; to fart in a tub/pool.
Usage : Ahh gross! Did you just Waterloo!?!
Concordia -- adj; young, innocent.
Usage : I dig those Concordia girls.
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Why don't they have Christmas at Western?
-They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
How do they separate the men from the boys at McMaster?
-With a restraining order.
A severe storm rumbled through Guelph last week and destroyed the entire town:
-$10 worth of damage was reported.
Why is it so windy in Kingston?
-Because Queen's blows!
What do you get when you drive quickly through the Lakehead campus?
-An undergraduate degree.
What's the first thing a Carleton girl does when she wakes up in the morning?
-Walk home.
How can you tell if a Trent student is a heterosexual?
-He can outrun his roomate
What does a U of T student call a Laurier student after graduation?
-Boss.
Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Guelph?
-Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
Did you hear that the library at Ryerson burned down?
-Naturally, the students were very upset...some of the books weren't colored-in yet.
Why do York graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
-So they can park in handicap spaces.
How do you get a Western grad off your front porch?
-Pay him for the pizza.
Who does the Waterloo Engineering Society fear the most?
-Immigration.
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Top Ten Reasons why University is like Preschool:
10. You cry for your mother.
9. You cross the street without looking for cars.
8. Snack time is a necessity.
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends.
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders.
4. You never eat what you are supposed to eat, and don't eat what you're supposed to eat.
3. Playing in the rain is a completely legitimate activity.
2. You take naps.
1. You can't remember all of your classmates' names.
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You Know you've been in University too long when..
..A Kilometre is not too far to walk for a party
..You wear dirty socks three times in a row and think nothing of it
..You'd rather clean than study (isn't that weird?)
..You utter "Damn! How did it get so late!" at least once a night.
..Often you don't wake up in your own bed and it seems normal.
..Minesweeper (Snood, Counter Strike, or solitaire) is more than a game - it's a way of life.
..You schedule your classes around sleep habits and soaps.
..You go to sleep when it's light and get up when it's dark.
..You live for getting your mail, even junk mail.
..Looking out the window is another form of entertainment.
..Prank phone calls become funny again.
..It feels weird to take a shower without shoes.
..You start thinking and sounding like your roommate.
..Black lights and highlighters are the coolest things on earth.
..Rearranging your room is your favorite pastime.
..Your only source of money is Meal Points.
..The weekend lasts from Thursday to Sunday
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At University I LEARNED...
That it didn't matter how late I scheduled my first class, I'd sleep through it.
That I could change so much and barely realize it.
That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
That every clock on campus shows a different time.
That if you were smart in high school, so what?
That I would go to a party the night before a final.
That you can know everything and fail a test.
That you can know nothing and ace a test.
That Home is a great place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there.
That most of my education would be obtained outside of class.
That friendship is more than getting drunk together.
That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about.
That Sunday is a figment of the world's imagination.
That Psychology is really Biology, Biology is really Chemistry, Chemistry is really Physics and Physics is really Math.
That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years.
That it's possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.
That friends are what makes this place so worthwhile
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www.elkdee.com
Soundcloud sampler: www.soundcloud.com/elkdee
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Is it supposed to be repetitive or is just written wrong?
