An old email with a couple of new additions...

>DEMOCRAT
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>You feel guilty for being successful.
>Barbara Streisand sings for you.
>
>
>REPUBLICAN
>You have two cows.
>Your neighbor has none.
>So?
>
>
>SOCIALIST
>You have two cows.
>The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
>You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
>
>
>COMMUNIST
>You have two cows.
>The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
>You wait in line for hours to get it.
>It is expensive and sour.
>
>
>CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
>
>DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>You have two cows.
>The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man
>in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your
>government.
>
>BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
>You have two cows.
>The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for
>the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
>
>
>AMERICAN CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You
>force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when
>one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you
>have down sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
>
>
>FRENCH CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>You go to lunch and drink wine.
>Life is good.
>
>
>JAPANESE CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>You redesign them so they are one tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
>produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
>trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
>
>
>
>GERMAN CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent
>quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also
>demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
>
>ITALIAN CORPORATION
>You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
>While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
>You break for lunch.
>Life is good.
>
>
>
>RUSSIAN CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>You have some vodka.
>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>You have some more vodka.
>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
>
>
>
>TALIBAN CORPORATION
>You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
>You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
>Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the
>hospital.
>
>
>
>IRAQI CORPORATION
>You have two cows.
>They go into hiding.
>They send radio tapes of their mooing.
>
>
>
>POLISH CORPORATION
>You have two bulls.
>Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
>
>
>
>FLORIDA CORPORATION
>You have a black cow and a brown cow.
>Everyone votes for the best looking one.
>Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. Some
>people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure
>out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you
>which is the best looking cow.
>
>
>
>
>CALIFORNIAN
>You have a cow and a bull.
>The bull is depressed.
>It has spent its life living a lie.
>It goes away for two weeks.
>It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
>You now have two cows.
>One makes milk; the other doesn't.
>You try to sell the transgender cow.
>Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
>You lose in court.
>You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
>You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
>You change your business to beef.
>PETA pickets your farm.
>Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
>Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows".
>Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the
>children".
>Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
>The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
>You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
>The cow starves to death.
>The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault.