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dd jokes 16/10/03 & 17/10/03
16/10/03
Today's first joke was sent in by our old pal Kevin McKeen.
The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what I looked for in a woman.
Naturally I replied, "Big tits."
He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."
So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."
"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"
"The rest of my life? NO woman's tits are that big!"
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Thanks to our old pal Minton for sending in today's second joke.
There was this lab rabbit that escaped from the lab and met up with some wild rabbits, which he had never seen before. He asked the wild rabbits what they did all day. The rabbits said that they went over to the field and ate as much lettuce as they wanted.
The lab rabbit went to the field and ate a whole bunch of lettuce, then went back to the others.
He asked them what else they did.
They told him that they went to another field and ate as many carrots as they could.
The lab rabbit went to the other field and ate as many carrots as he could. He enjoyed the food very much, as he never had any at the lab.
When he got back to the rabbits, he surprised them by announcing that though he enjoyed nature's bounty, he would be returning to the lab.
Surprised at this, the wild rabbits said to him, "you just escaped from the lab, don't you want to stay here with us?"
The lab rabbit replied, "I sure like it outside the lab, but after such a satisfying meal, I need a cigarette like you wouldn't believe!"
WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's worst joke was sent in by Jeyaraman S.
A kid went off to college and ran out of cash fast, not wanting to directly ask her father for money she wrote him the following letter:
Dear Dad,$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.Love,Your Daughter
Dad's reply: Dear Daughter, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.Love,Dad
17/10/03
Today's first joke was sent in by our old pal MeMon.
Esther and Sally, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.
Esther says," Sally, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely."
Sally agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely."
"Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison."
"You're kidding! What for?"
"For killing my third wife. I strangled her."
"What happened to your second wife?"
"I shot her."
"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"
"We had a fight and she fell off a building."
"Oh my," says Sally. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Esther, he's single."
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Thanks to our old pal Advanced Materials for sending in today's second joke.
Miss Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom.
Imagine his shock and surprise Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped or something!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" (pointing to the bowl).
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease. And you know... I haven't had a cold all winter."
WORST JOKE OF THE DAY
Today's worst joke was sent in by Dale O'Wilkerson, and it actually made me laugh pretty hard. I wonder how many people will get it?
Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett were standing on the the wall of the Alamo.
One thousand Mexicans began coming over the hill (ok they were marching).
Jim Bowie looked at Davy Crockett and asked "who ordered concrete?"
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