Nightmare
Hey!...This is my first time writing on this forum and might be my last.
Well let me get right down to it. I have been a long-time listener to almost ALL forms of "Techno"...Trance, House, Dance, Gabber, Hardcore, Softcore...ECT!!!! Mostly my life has always been ALL about the TRANCE...i ever started creating music. I even got out with an albumn...Dj DrEaMz - Nightmare...but life has never been completely whole.
I was diagnosed with ADHD around March of 2003...i take adderall for medication. In other words I NEVER GET SLEEP!!!!...especially when listening to any thing with a beat. I would try to get sleep, but before i knew it my foot or hand would be tapping to a beat...and song would get stuckin my head in a repeated loop.
The Adderall will make EVERYTHING just so much more...uh..."clear"... to me. I would start noticing people around me. How much of an idiot almost every person, in their own way, is. i would start to see the WHOLE picture that almost everyone, in this world, is obsoulete. i would start feeling upset...sad...depressed. But lately i have been thinking. Am i the one really depressed or is almost everyone else that way and they are just not showing it.
I would just not say anything and wonder if people would notice. No-one cares! A few friends of mine would ask "whats wrong?" I just would be like "nothing."
What type of world is this? where has all this come from? Where do i go? what can i do?
I feel so alone in this world. When i am with my girlfriend...by the way i am a junior(11th grade) and my girlfriend is a Freshman(9th grade)...I feel like nothing can go wrong in this harsh world. before her i felt so SO SO SO alone. If one was to meet my girlfriend, Vic, they would say that she is the chick version of me, just not all at the same time...REALLY hard to explain. When i am away from her for a long time. MAN OH MAN do i get depressed. I just feel like i want...no ...NEED someone there to give me a hug or somthing. I get really sad.
I realized its not just her that i get sad about when i feel alone. i HATE my dad, plus he's never around. My bro is off at college, my sis is never home ...takes tap dancin or somthin...my mom doesnt get home till WAY late at night,,,so late that i eat dinner at 10:00 at night. I get lonely...i feel like no one understands..,like no one cares...so i go and hide,,,listen to Music...Trance...to try to get away from this place on earth...bored out of my mind...i have NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!!!
Can anyone help? Is there anyone out there who has gone through this. who feels or felt like me? AM I ALONE???
dj dreamz
Dj DrEaMz'Z HoMe
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