OK, what is the funniest thing ever said by a person who was fucked up?

No limits, you, a friend, any person, dead or alive, fucked up on anything, alcohol drugs whatever....

Mine (theres a little story behind it):

So last night, I'm hanging out with 2 friends (Matt and Chris). All 3 of us spin, and were at matt's banging away on the decks. since none of had anything to do today, so we kinda decided to make a night out of it, and party a little harder than normal.
about 2 hours into the night matt's girlfriend comes home from work, and it looks like the night is gonna get shut down, cuz she wanted to sleep. Being the handy DJ sorts that we are, Chris and me busted out our headphones and a headphone splitter that i had in my bag. the lights go off and the photons come out, g-force visualizer on matt's 65" HDTV, and we got our own little rave goin.

so, a while later, im digging through my overnight bag trying to find some socks because my feet are freezing. chris askes me what im looking for and what they look like. I'm like "they're socks. they're big, and warm, and fuzzy." I found one of them, but couldnt find the other sock. about 20 minutes later, im pacing around Matt's family room goin "BigWarmNfazzys" (fuzzy somehow became fazzy) over and over and had aparently been doin this for a while, because all of a sudden they both took off their headphones and realized what i was sayin and starting laughing their asses off. i quickly realized how stupid i sounded, and it had us all literally rolling on the floor for a good long while.

share stories everybody!!!

Took me a while to come up with this one, as my memory isn't functioning correctly.

Had a buncha people in my car. Everyone but me has been drinking, and this one kid Brian is riding shotgun in my car. He is drunk off his ass, and he's like, "Yo, man, I wanna check that out." Mind you, we're doin like 35 or 40 on a street, and he's pointing at the sidewalk, where there is literally nothing out of the ordinary. We have to hold him in his seat as he tries to get out of the car....and then, as we're entering a friends development to drop them off, he finally gets out of the car and starts trying to inspect the sidewalk. I was laughing so hard...luckily the night ended without bad incidents. Just lotsa laughs.

that would be pretty funny.

on a drunken trip to mcdonalds for food, a friend of mine looks straight into the drive thru camera and speaks into the mic, "I'm black". This is the whitest kid i know.

Then we hear the voice of a guy who is obviously black asking to take our order....the car is quiet until we drive away with the food, when I, also drunk, takes the burger out and stare at it for a while.

My friend asks what im doing... i turn to him and say "Asshole, you just said you were black, I am checking for special sauce".
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One night about 3 years ago me and my best friend were at a club in Pittsburgh called Metropol for some local DJ night. Had a focking blast all night getting wasted on red bull and vodka and dancing. The club closed down at 2am and we found ourselfs stumbling to the car knowing we were in no shape to drive home. So we catch a cab that already had like three people in it. So we hop in the cab and three black dudes are smoking weed in the cab. The cab driver didnt give a shit so whatever. They offer us a hit so whatever....we start passing this huge joint. By the time we got back to my friends house.....we were focking blitzed We manage to get inside the house and crash out on the living room floor. Now my friends mom had all these paintings on the wall and all the sudden he starts stairing at this one painting. This starts to bug me the fock out so im like "yo, what the fock you looking at Focker???" my friend looks me straight in the eyes and says......"that picture on the wall says.....I Miss My Grass!!!!!" I must have sat there and laughed my ass off for hours.

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Yeap that would be Brian

2 unrelated pothead incidents at Taco Bell (go figure)

was at the drive through w/ my girlfriend and we couldn't decide what we wanted...we probably sat at the teller thing for like 10 min bullshitting and laughing...finally i started ordering stuff and ended my order with, "NACHOS AND CHEESE PLEASE". we almost peed in our pants because it sounded so catchy rhyming like that. i didn't even do it on purpose.

another time (same girlfriend and stoned w/ the munchies again) we were at the drive through and she told me to get her a "toft saco"....

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My soliloquy may be hard for some to swallow, but so is cod liver oil.

quote:

Originally posted by notelfreak man i can't believe i tried to come off as responsible in that other thread, i am so full of shit just don't tell anyone

once i was back home in EL Salvador and as we wnt to get some macdonalds drivethrough at aropund 5 am, this guy had put his park break on (as he waited in line) with the music at full volume and he fell asleep at the wheel... so after honking at him for about 2 minutes we realized what was going on so we got out of the car ans started banigng on the windows (we were really drunk too)...after about 3 minutes there was a crowd of about 20 people around the car including a cop and we had to wake him up by rocking the car and shouting....when the guy finally woke up he rolls down the window and the cop is like "sir please park your car were gonna call someone to take u home " and the guy whas like " why? im perfect and just drove off hahahah......then me and my friend got back into the car (remember we were really drunk and REALLY HUNGRY) so we get up to the little machine where you order and i tell my friend "order me a # 3 with NO PICKLES and no ONIONS!" so my friend repeats taht to the guy and the MCdonalds guy starts "but sir the..." and my friend just kept cutting him off saying I just want a # 3 with no pickes and no onions!!!! he repeated this about 4 times and he was saying it in a really pissed off tone of voice because we were really hungry and he diddnt give a shit what the guy wanted to say because he thought he was just offering some special deal so when we finally pull up to the window the guys like "sir,,, combo # 3 is chicken mcnuggets" hahahah my friend just turned around and gave me a look like "im gonna kcik urr ass" and I laughed for like 3 hours straight! the problem was that I actually wanted a Burger combo which price was $3.69 so I just saw the price and saw a big 3 so i autmoatically said a # 3 hahahaha..... i cant stop laughing every time I remember it

My friend and I were pulled over for driving drunk after we left Denny's one evening/morning. They sat us down on the sidewalk and after a lot of bullshitting my friend got to spewing BS out of his mouth like you wouldn't believe. The best line went, and I quote, "...if I had your gun I would fucking shoot you!"

It went downhill from there.

I was at the same McDonalds with A_M_8 (both drunk.. again), and I after bitching at everyone on the line and after cutting through everyone at the drive thru (I was walking, not in a car) and I heard someone with some Electronic music on their stereo (can't remember what it was), and I shouted at him CRANK UP THE VOLUME, YEAH DJ SAMMY! (I always like to fuck around with cheesy DJ's).

NOTE: a few days later, the guy who was driving the car and had the stereo on came up to me at a club and said hi, and I didn't have the slightest idea on who he was (I tend to forget most of the things when I drink), and he explained everything, and he also told me that DJ Miss Lisa was riding with him in the car (she had played a few days before at a club) funny, huh.


A while after A_M_8's brother arrived, and I started talking to him, and saying that I was going to Ultra and that I had called John (Digweed), and that he had told me he was going to play there.


:P

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Cities Clubbed in: El Salvador, Guatemala, Costa Rica, Miami, Montreal...