Shock and awe and dating
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I had drafted up a few battle plans for the evening of my big date, the frist being some drinks and assorted appatizers at a local italian restaurant followed by martinis at a joint that plays live jazz all night on the upstrairs patio.

last minute i went with my gut, as any daring bachelor should in this mine field we call dating

A package of coupons that arrived in my mail that evening was taken as an omen, our date that night was to begin at the Local "Burger King".

After forging a pair of TTC tokens to which i bragged inscesantly about the entire trip, We arrived in celebratory fashion for Toonie-Thursdays, I ordered for both of us in Punjabi, in hopes of impressing the young order taker into putting extra cheese on my burgers free of charge, and securing a corner booth by the childerens playground in case i was so inclined to ride the plastic horsies...perhaps sharing a tender moment with my date in the plastic ball swimming pool. (i neglected to advise her to bring a bikini in hopes a small towel and pant-shorts would suffice)

Luckily I took the advice of friends, and asked for no onions on my Double-Whoppers with extra mayo. Even at the darkest hour I was a gentlemen- my dates feelings in mind first, and my wonton hunger a very close second.

We took the apple pies to go, She was not inclined so i ate both. They were delicious and still quite warm, this being due in no small part to my request that the pies be deep fried instead of baked in the usual manner. As i recall its "your way right away" non?

After borrowing 2 quarters, the first to check my cell messages, I couldnt wait until after 9pm when i have unlimited minutes, and the second to call my old friend Sebastain to satisfy his most basic questions about my date's bust and butt sizes, and any residual concerns over the pressing Knock-Kneed/Bow legged issue, critical to Europeans the world over.

After a rather drawn out discussion of the new Sean Paul album, I left my old friend and returned my attention to the prime objective, my date. We continued building romantic momentum with a short stop at Country Stlye Donoughts. She order a small double double and one honey glazed.

For yours truly, it was the usual: a medium Iced-Cap, a Chocolate Eclair and 3 bear claws for later.

We exchanged pleasantries over the intoxicating smell of coffee and confectionary. I spoke endlessly, dominating the conversation, interuppting the better part of her opinions with my sarcastic and qutie witty remarks over such wide ranging topics as my inflated sense of improtance, my most memorable moments in life, and if she was going to finish that Honey Glazed.

She left half of a perfectly good donought just sitting there the entire night. Not once thinking to offer it to yours truly. She must have known the bear claws were for my breakfast and mid-day snack non?
I scolded my self for foolishly having such faith in women and their so-called "maternal instincts".

After a brief forray upto my apartment, my ensuing reach and grab techniques, (due largely to the mickey of Lemon Gin I was drinking during one of many clandestine trips to the bathroom throughout that harrowed evening), fared poorly against my dates good sense and better judgement. I found my self in 2 short hours $12 poorer and none the wiser. After walking my date to my elavator in my robe and slippers, I begged her to stay the night and prognosticated about calling her again sometime... most likely tomorow.

Amidst hisses and boos from the small crowd gatherd by the elavator door, I admitted certian defeat.

My efforts, no matter how brazen and miscalculated were not in vain, I would surely live to fight another day in the battlefied of love and romance.



bosa