Become a part of the TranceAddict community!Frequently Asked Questions - Please read this if you haven'tSearch the forums
TranceAddict Forums > Local Scene Info / Discussion / EDM Event Listings > Canada > Canada - Toronto & Southern Ont. > Hilarious overview of biblical passages
  Last Thread   Next Thread
Share
Author
Thread    Post A Reply
d!abolic
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Oct 2002
Location:
Hilarious overview of biblical passages

Shamelessly stolen from another forum:

Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstances. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident:




Dear Dr. Laura: Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sunday (the Sabbath). In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Old Post Jun-09-2004 03:32 
Click Here to See the Profile for d!abolic Click here to Send d!abolic a Private Message Add d!abolic to your buddy list Report this Post Reply w/Quote Edit/Delete Message
e*motion
Untz Untz Untz



Registered: May 2004
Location: Vancouver



hilarious? where?


___________________

quote:
Originally posted by *~LiSa-LoO~*
"Are you guys TAs?" and they'd reply back with "No, I'm on E." Haha

Old Post Jun-09-2004 04:04  Croatia
Click Here to See the Profile for e*motion Click here to Send e*motion a Private Message Add e*motion to your buddy list Report this Post Reply w/Quote Edit/Delete Message
BTG
Ez skinz ez lyfe



Registered: Nov 2001
Location: Milton ON

hahaha. thats funny.

Old Post Jun-09-2004 04:25  Canada
Click Here to See the Profile for BTG Click here to Send BTG a Private Message Visit BTG's homepage! Add BTG to your buddy list Report this Post Reply w/Quote Edit/Delete Message
torontobarfly
comfortably numb



Registered: Dec 2002
Location: shady acres retirement home

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.

~Lynn Lavner


___________________

"There are no boring places, only boring people"

Old Post Jun-09-2004 05:01  Canada
Click Here to See the Profile for torontobarfly Click here to Send torontobarfly a Private Message Add torontobarfly to your buddy list Report this Post Reply w/Quote Edit/Delete Message
k0nk
Supreme tranceaddict



Registered: Dec 2003
Location: Toronto, ON

I'd like to have heard her response!

Btw, is Lev. the same as Deuterotomy? (spelling?)


___________________
Clubvibes - Toronto's Clubbing and Nightlife Listings

Old Post Jun-09-2004 05:30  Canada
Click Here to See the Profile for k0nk Click here to Send k0nk a Private Message Visit k0nk's homepage! Add k0nk to your buddy list Report this Post Reply w/Quote Edit/Delete Message

TranceAddict Forums > Local Scene Info / Discussion / EDM Event Listings > Canada > Canada - Toronto & Southern Ont. > Hilarious overview of biblical passages
Post New Thread    Post A Reply

 
Last Thread   Next Thread
Click here to listen to the sample!Pause playbackTrack i.d.??? [2005] [3]

Click here to listen to the sample!Pause playbackOctagen vs. Dazzle - Continuous [2007]

Show Printable Version | Subscribe to this Thread
Forum Jump:

All times are GMT. The time now is 19:20.

Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
[IMG] code is ON
 
Search this Thread:

 
Contact Us - return to tranceaddict

Powered by: Trance Music & vBulletin Forums
Copyright ©2000-2026, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Privacy Statement / DMCA
Support TA!