Late Political Night Jokes
To spice some things up and for some laughs.. here are some jokes I got sent.. pretty funny stuff.
LATE NIGHT POLITICAL JOKES
“The White House has now released military documents that prove George Bush met his
requirements for the National Guard. Big Deal, we got documents that prove that Al Gore
won the election.”—Jay Leno
“On Meet the Press yesterday, President Bush was asked what he would do if he lost the
election, and Bush said, “Phhh, you mean like last time?!”—Jay Leno
“President Bush went out touting his economic record in Ohio last week.
Now there is a state that lost 225,000 jobs since Bush took office. You know,
if Bush wants to tout his record, he should do it somewhere where the Bush economy
has actually created jobs, like India or Thailand or China.” –Jay Leno
“President Bush unveiled his first campaign commercial highlighting all of
his accomplishments in office. That is why it is a 60-second spot.” –Jay Leno
“President Bush says he has just one question for the American voters—Is the rich
person you are working for better off now than he was four years ago.” --Jay Leno
“Kerry is on his way to reaching the magic number of 2, 162. That’s the total number of
delegates he needs to win the Democratic nomination. For president Bush it’s different
his magic number is five. That is the number of Supreme Court judges needed to win.”—Jay Leno
“The White is now backtracking from its prediction that 2.6 million new jobs will be created
in the U.S. this year. They say they were off by roughly 2.6 million jobs.”—Jay Leno
“President Bush said that American workers will need new skills to get the new jobs in
the 21st century. Some of the skills they’re going to need are Spanish, Chinese, Korean
because that’s where the jobs went” –Jay Leno
“The new prime minister of Spain has called the war in Iraq a disaster and plans to bring
his troops home as soon as possible. In fact, President Bush is so upset at Spain that he
is now threatening to close down the border between Spain and the US.” –Jay Leno
“Plans are now being discussed as to who will replace Dick Cheney if he has to resign
for health reasons. It’s not easy for President Bush, he can’t just name a replacement.
He would first have to be confirmed by the oil, gas and power companies.”—Jay Leno
“It’s weird watching President Bush struggle with excuses for why we went to war.
As he struggles, it reminds us what a terrific liar Bill Clinton really was.” Craig Kilborn
“Dick Cheney finally responded today to demands that he reveal the details of the
Erron meetings. This is what he said. He met with unnamed people from unspecified
companies for an undetermined amount of time at an undisclosed location.” Thank God
he cleared that up.”—Jay Leno
“The US army confirmed that it gave a lucrative fighting contract in Iraq to the firm
once run by Vice President Dick Cheney without any competitive bidding. When asked if this
could be conceived as Cheney’s friends profiting from the war, the spokesman said, “Yes.”
--Conan O’Brien
“The election is in full swing. Republicans have taken out round-the-clock ads
promoting George Bush--Don’t we have already have that? It’s called the Fox News.”
--Craig Kilborn
“In Louisiana, President Bush met with 15,000 National Guard troops. Here’s the weird
part, nobody remembers seeing him there.”—Craig Kilborn
“President Bush spoke briefly to reporters before playing a round of golf in Crawford,
Texas earlier today…This raises the question: Shouldn’t the guy who is really running
The country and who has had like 20 heart attacks be taking the vacation.” –Craig Kilborn
“There was a scare in Washington when a man climbed over the White House wall and was
arrested. This marks the first time a person has gotten into the White House unlawfully
since President Bush.” –David Letterman
“President Bush wants to build a space station on the moon. And from the moon, he wants
to launch people to Mars. You know what that means. He’s been drinking again.”—David
Letterman
“There was an embarrassing moment at the White House earlier today. They were looking
around while searching for George Bush’s military records. They actually found some of Al
Gore’s ballots.” –David Letterman
“While speaking to conservatives this week, Dick Cheney made it clear that he plans to deal
with rising gas prices by drilling in our federal wildlife refuge in Alaska. Cheney tried to sway
his opponents saying, “Trust me, there’s oil p there to last us for the rest of my natural life.”
--Tina Fey, on Saturday Night Live’s Weekend Update
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Upcoming:
Michael Andrews Feat. Gary Jules - Mad World (Grayed Out Mix)
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