0.10 weak intro.

0.23 nice hihats. bass is a little subtle. I do like the bass line.

1.05 what was that? 1.15 trumpets?

1.25 whistling pads. You need to add some more pads. This whistling pad has potential. Maybe you could pan it or something.

2.10 break.

2.20 main ryhthm enters.

2.50 bas drum is OK. No bass!!! needs bass right here!

3.25 another break. -> Too much stopping & starting.

3.30 dual rhythm. nice layering. You could even add another layer to it to give it more depth.

5.20 hardcore clap. funky rhythm


Keep plugging at it. You have a good tune here, it just need a little bit more work done to it to give it more guts. Cant wait to hear more of your stuff. Keep it up man

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Thanks alot for that! For some reason I had this notation in my head that it might be finished, but I was really mistaken... I'm seeing now the story is totally unfinished, and missing elements. I'm going to keep working at this and post the finished product pretty soon.
-Tilda