[MEL] De Biers Nightclub (06.08.05)
Oh my fucking god, what a night. 
Firstly, I can now officially say that you have not heard Sir Mixalot unless you've heard Sir Mixalot mixed (that is, cross-faded) into Usher and then mixed (that is, cross-faded) into an incredibly awesome remix of Sweet Dreams (that is, the original version of Sweet Dreams with a completely out of time clickity-clack beat just randomly thrown in over the top). Secondly, I have never heard such a diverse range of music in one night before. Whether the tune was late 90s commercial r'n'b or early 2000s commercial r'n'b, you can bet your sweet ass that DJ Nicky C (that's probably his name, as if I could ever really give enough of a fuck to check) played it and most likely played it twice over the three hours we were there. Completely overplayed shit doesn't come any better than the completely overplayed shit they play at De Biers.
But we all know that what makes a night, ultimately, is the punters and De Biers sure has them in spades. We knew as soon as we saw the girl out front, on all-fours, passed out and vomiting into the gutter with her dress around her waist, that we were going to be in for a good night. The large group of methed-out fucks in front of us in the line, who tried to tell the bouncer that they should be allowed in on the basis that they "didn't even go to sleep last night" only heightened my expectations of the night ahead. If these are the quality of people they're keeping out, you can only imagine how great the clientelle inside must be!
But, in all seriousness folks, if you like $7 beers, enjoy music that even complete chese-dicks got sick of about four years ago (omg, Nelly!) and enjoy the company of pissed-up wankers who like to try to impress overweight girls but end up slipping on their arses and hurting themselves quite badly instead (careful you don't trip-up on that perfectly flat piece of ground there, dickhead!) then De Biers is definitely the place for you. I had a fucking blast and will definitely be back soon.
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