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Detroit TA's Almost Killed by Drunk Detroiter
3 Sober Detroiters Almost Killed By Drunk Detroiter on I-75
So no shit, there we are (Kabelicious, Silverfox, punkangel) drinking north on I-75 towards Royal Oak with a load of 'Licious's stuff in a large cargo van (which is owned by Laadaa's dad).
When this dumb ass Detroit drunk cracked-out batty ass driver in a large gold New Yorker swerved into the middle lane where we were driving. Then she feels the need to clip us from the rear and cause us to join her in swerving. While swerving, then she felt the need to go ahead, panic, and fishtail her vehicle's rear end into the side of the van. Causing us to take a flight path directly at the embankment of I-75. Causing us to crash headfirst into the embankment at 70 mph. Causing us to roll approximately three times. Causing the windshield and side windows to burt inwards with all the dirt of the embankment (which we ate along with glass). After the vehicle had stopped flipping and we ended up right side up (there was momentary fear of being suspended upside down), we all exited and began our own versions of "are we okay? are you okay? what the FUCK?!".
Some very nice people stopped and tended to our surficial cuts, bruises, and shaking fits while cuddled into a ball. They also gave us Coca Cola. A very hot women's pro golfer took care of 'Licious - she would like to note. Silverfox meanwhile was a rock - literally (when I mean the man gets out of the van CALMLY and all this while he has a chuck of arm missing). Naturally, the onlookers were concerned and told him to put a compress on. Meanwhile, punkangel was on the phone with Laadaa when it was taken from her by the off-duty cop behind us (note: her face is covered in blood from the multiple cuts and abrasions on the face). Soon after po-po special forces and the ambulance arrived, punkangel was put on stretcher and taken to hospital (note: Silverfox rode in the back of the ambulance, holding punkangel's hand, (and for missing parts of his arm). Meanwhile, back at the site, 'Licious had uncurled from her human rollypolly position and taken watch of the van which had the following in it: my bed, my dresser, my antique 1900's vanity with mirror......well.......no more mirror, my DVD's/VHS's, my clothes (all that weren't hanging in the closet), my bedding, my mini bookcases, my frame for bed, my wine glasses, my picutres (framed), my lamps, my native carvings from Bali, MY JEWELRY.....you get the picture. They towed it to an undisclosed location (for ransom) which gets to be inspected on the 'morrow (did I mention my birth certificate, passport, deed to my car, you get the point in it were in there too?).
Mother 'Licious arrived and took Little 'Licious to the hospital where Silverfox and punkangel were waiting. Punkangel (who's left side was going numb) was taken to ICU with cat-scans and x-rays on the way (she also got morphine, lucky bitch). Silverfox was told to sit many, many, many, MANY times until finally he was ordered to for being buzzy. 'Licious entered hospital to immediatly be told to strip and had a neck brace put on (why on earth Silverfox escaped this torment is beyond us). After waiting about 1-2 hours, they finally examine the boo-booed duo and declared it ok to remove the neck brace but confidently told both our heroes that they might be subject to a rectal exam (this is for real, I swear!). Both said "Um.....NO!" and resisted the anal probe successfully.
After this, they wheeled 'Licious away for x-rays. The first question she was asked was "Is there any chance you're pregnant?" To which 'Licious responded "No, it's been waaaaay too long to worry about that". And of course, the nurse (assuming Silverfox is her beau) replies "Oh, that's too bad - he's a cute one". Enter 'Licious's mad laughing spree and "oh, he's not my boyfriend - more like best friend/roomie". The nurse, totally not believing a word of this, says "uh-huh, roomie, eh?".
Meanwhile, Silverfox is about to get his chuck of missing flesh hole in his arm cleaned prior to x-ray (insert: Silverfox is deathly, panic-inducing afraid of needles and shots). Mother 'Licious stayed behind to watch over him and asked if lying down on the bed might be better than sitting on the stool. Silverfox declined and moments later turned ash white and passed out. Needless to say, he got up and laid down in a bed. Once in bed, they proceeded to clean the hole and remove chucks of glass from it (did you know you can tell windshield glass from door glass? It's greenish!). Once cleansed, x-ray picked up Duder Silverfox. Silverfox enters x-ray room to be greeted by extremely feminine man (you know the type) who proceeds to tell him about his vehicle which he blew his headgasket on (he he - he said head) and winks at him. At this time he is told to put the penis sheild over his boys rather than risk mutation. Two x-rays are taken and he is escorted back to waiting for fucking ever HQ.
'Licious is discharged with awesome muscle-relaxer prescription (final verdict: her back is fucked and muscles are pissed with minor cuts and scrapes). Silverfox was once again cleaned throughly (missed the ears though) and literally scubbed with a brush to clean out remaining dirt and glass. Then he recieved 11 priceless stitches that proudly display the doctor's initials (he brands his bitches). At that time, Silverfox is discharged and they ventured forth to find punkangel.
They found her merrily morphine induced butt singing "You are My Sunshine, my only sunshine" and bitching over the indignity of having your clothes removed as she was given a rectal exam (she didn't dodge that bullet). "What? No Foreplay?" was her comment at time of exam. All in all, she seemed pretty perky and the doctors were awaiting her cat-scan to come back. At that time, Silverfox and 'Licious left the hospital for the Shanty in Royal Oak for pizza, pop, and smokey treats. LOTS OF SMOKEY TREATS.
No further info on punkangel at this time but she was lookin' good when we left.
Oh and by the way, the lady who hit us? SHE NEVER STOPPED. SHE JUST KEPT ON DRIVING. So if you see a gold New Yorker circa 1997 with a 35-45 year old black woman at the wheel and her front end and back corner are smashed up, get her plates and fucking call us. We have many things we'd like to "discuss" with her.
Thank you very much, we'll keep you updated.
'Licious and Silverfox
P.S. And 'Licious still has to move the rest of her crap by this coming Saturday or it's gone.
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Have Love Will Travel
Last edited by kabelicious on Jul-18-2005 at 06:00
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). I hope the police release this 'driver wanted' info to the media, so someone can turn her stupid crackhead ass in!!! 
Hope you get better soon girl!
