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Hahaha wicked. I still wish the Rhinoceros Party was around. They had the best promises.
Rhinoceros Party of Canada (1960s-1990s)
The Rhinoceros Party promised the following to the people of Canada:
-repeal the law of gravity
-reduce the speed of light because its much too fast
-paving the province of Manitoba to create the world's largest parking lot
-providing higher education by building taller schools
-instituting English, French and illiteracy as Canada's three official languages
-offering to retrain those constituents who want to become illiterate by enrolling them in a state educational institution
-tearing down the Rocky Mountains so that Albertans could see the Pacific sunset, or moving them one metre west as a make-work project
-legalising pot. And pans. And spatulas. And other kitchen utensils
-building sloping roads and bicycle paths across the country so that Canadians could "coast from coast to coast"
-responding to the energy crisis, reducing energy costs for transportation by moving the cities of Montréal 50km west and Toronto 50km east
-abolishing pumping oil out of the ground as that oil is there to keep the earth moving smoothly on its axis and if you withdraw the oil, the whole thing will grind to a halt
-abolishing the environment because it's too hard to keep clean and it takes up so much space
-annexing the United States, which would take its place as the third territory (after the Yukon and North-West Territories) in Canada's backyard, in order to raise the mean temperature of Canada by one degree Celsius
-replacing the Canadian Armed Forces with clones of Vladislav Tretiak
-making bubble gum the national currency, so that it could be inflated or deflated at will
-breeding a mosquito that would only hatch in January so that "the little buggers will freeze to death"
-turning Montreal's Saint Catherine Street into the world's longest bowling alley
-adopting the British system of driving on the left; this was to be gradually phased in over five years with large trucks first, then buses, eventually including small cars and bicycles last
-as an energy-saving idea, putting larger wheels on the back of all cars so that they will always be going downhill
-selling the Canadian Senate at an antique auction in California
-putting the national debt on Visa
-declaring war on Belgium because a Belgian cartoon character, Tintin, killed a rhinoceros in one of the cartoons
-offering to call off the proposed Belgium-Canada war if Belgium delivered a case of mussels and a case of Belgian beer to Rhinoceros "Hindquarters" in Montréal (the Belgian Embassy in Ottawa did, in fact, do this)
-painting Canada's coastal sea limits so that Canadian fish would know where they were at all times
-counting the Thousand Islands to make sure none were missing
-running Penny Hoar in Toronto on a safe sex platform
-running more than one candidate per riding as an MP's salary is certainly enough to support more than one person
-exploiting acid rain as an electrical energy source by placing dissimilar-metal electrodes in Canadian swimming pools in order to use them as batteries
-making Canadians stronger by putting steroids in the water
-banning lousy Canadian winters
-moving the Vatican to Saint-Bruno-de-Montarville, Quebec to promote tourism
-putting the West Edmonton Mall on wheels and rolling it to areas of the country suffering from economic depression
-turning the Louis-Hippolyte Lafontaine tunnel in Montreal into a free carwash by poking a hole in the ceiling
I know they'd get my vote.
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Sex Party!
