It was an evening like any other. There was a faint breeze from the south, the smell of early spring flowers in bloom was heavy in the air as the daylight waned, and the sky became a canvas of brilliant reds and oranges as the darkness of night began to creep in from its place of hiding.

I sat on my couch, drinking and watching television, briefly glancing at the floor which was festooned with empty beer cans and other forms of filth and possible biological contagions. The smoke of a cigarette I had just enjoyed hung about the ceiling, dancing mysteriously as if to some unheard music.

A rumbling surged from within my colon, which reminded me of the delicious lunch I'd had that day, although of questionable safety. I had decided I'd have some form of cuisine akin to that available in the Orient for my lunch, in fact I'd decided that before I'd even gotten dressed for work that day. Phong Lao's China Buffet - a name what I would never forget.

It caught me completely by surprise, a warm moistness, fresh on my taint. Not knowing of any more suitable course of action, I bounded directly for the restroom. Although more than likely a foolish choice on my part - I had to at least try to save the garments I'd already lightly soiled. The trial had only just begun. Before I could plant myself on the toilet seat, a searing deluge of horribly pungent deficate showered my bathroom in all directions. The walls dripping with the mud of my colon, my sphincter had no intention of relenting. My entire excretory system surged with pressure, the sensation of gargantuan logs of buffet induced bombardment filled the whole of my lower intestine. My toilet was pummeled ferociously, log after log delved eagerly into its waiting bowl. I soon noticed that the sound of splashes and plops had been replaced by a sickening moist kind of thud. I glanced down to see that my waste had piled up out of the water, now resting less than one inch below my ample $%#!%&!.

That's when the unthinkable began to happen, the kind of thing you read about in magazines, or maybe see in a Time Life video. My toilet, under the extreme pressure, the torment, the agonizing abuse it had suffered...was beginning to crack. Before I was able to brace myself, the toilet collapsed underneath me. The entire bathroom floor awash in $!@%water, turds flowing this way and that. I began to weep uncontrollably, now laying on the floor and unable to control the defications still streaming from my anus. I recall watching one of the larger logs float past my face, and wondering where it might be headed. Exhausted from the trial I'd just faced, I fell asleep where I lay.

It's been a long time since I've been able to speak of that, I thank you for helping me get it out. The healing starts here.

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