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Go to the Telus booth in person, and try explaining to the Telus employee that you were mugged in the Entertainment District yesterday, and that your phone as well as your wallet was tragically stolen. Explain to him that now you have no phone and you can't even buy a new one cause your wallet was stolen too.
Here, the employee has one of two choices, either give you a new one, or tell you he can't just go around giving whoever wants a new phone a new phone. If he does the latter, here is what you say:
"Okay okay, I come clean now. You see, I was talking to my recently-pregnant girlfriend on the phone in the bathroom while taking my morning shave, and you know, the mirror was steamed up so I couldn't see my poor phone slowly slipping out of my hand, *sniff*, and I was a little emotional too, *sniff*, and the next thing I know I feel it slipping out of my hand and into the sink filled with water! *sniff* I tried to make a last-minute grab for it, but alas! *sniff* the razor was in my other hand, and I just couldn't grab it in time! I fished it out as fast as I could, but it was too late. *long pause* *sniff* I dried it off, but it still wouldn't turn on, *sniff* and now my girlfriend's mad at me cause I hung up on her, *sniff* and the Labour of Love sets were all wrong. *sniff*. WHY DID BENNY BENASSI CLOSE? HUH??? *sniff* CAN YOU TELL ME THAT?!??! Digweed had nowhere to go. Did he he? NU-UH, HE DIDN'T! *sniff* It's just *sniff* I love Digweed so much, and Benassi was the one closing? *sniff* WHAT IN THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD??!!"
Now here, gauge the reaction of the employee. If it still doesn't look like he's about to crack, break out the waterworks. And I don't mean girlish my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me waterworks, I mean the REAL waterworks. The I-fucked-over-my-life-with-heroin waterworks. Sobbing, bawling, mumbling, snot streaming out your nose, the whole 9 yards.
After about 15 minutes of this, any employee will crack and give you your brand new phone.
Works everytime.
TRUST.
___________________
I'm the trouble starter, fuckin' instigator.
I'm the fear-addicted, danger illustrated.
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