1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.



2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss's car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.



3: Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally

killed and eaten by his buddies.



4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend

out of jail within 12 hours.



5: If you've known a man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off

limits forever unless you actually marry her.



6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a mate's fridge is

forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is

unsuitable.



7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for

another man. In fact, even remembering your mate's birthday is

strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar

of the birthday boy's choice.



8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not

the weakest.



9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may

ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's

playing.



10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have

brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the

purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your

girlfriend.



11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when

you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a

topless model and only when it's free.



12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you

allowed to kick or punch another guy in the nuts.



13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.



14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.



15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see

anything.



16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as

spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability

to drink as much as the other sports watchers.



17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must

remain sober enough to fight.



18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of

pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.



19: If you compliment a man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking

about his choice of beer.



20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of

yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.



21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting

weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!

b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

c) Another set and we can hit the showers!



22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal

footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting In line, etc. For all

other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the

conversation you need.



23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on

longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by

the phone. Hang up if necessary.



24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a

friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're

feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other

again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.



25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable

for her to drive yours.



26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime

green, orange or sky blue.



27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for

Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an

Xbox. End of story.



28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's

Gymnastics. Ever.



29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you

really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you

informed, the definition of each is listed below:



"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with your mates, being

assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say,

"are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"



"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with you mates smelling

of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on

the ar*e and having the balls to say, "You're next!"



I hope this clears up any confusion, The International Council of

Manlaws, Ltd.

Got this in an e-mail btw, I didn't write these.

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