The intro is alright... not too shabby once the gurgling effects drops in, and I see a bassline coming in. The kick itself needs some more bottom end to be effective. Otherwise, the house bass is pretty good if it weren't sharing similar frequencies.

It's highly repetitive and dry. You need to work with your effects in the mixer alot more.

I'm not sure the bass note lengthening idea was a good one. The last half of the song really didn't add much to the track... you should consider your song structure more and when you should add another element or not.

Otherwise, it's a good idea and I have hope that you will soon be quite accomplished with the equipment that you use. Not too bad for a first track.

___________________
...On college-driven hiatus...

i though it was repetitive aswell didnt know what to do with the tune next time ill try add a bit more varitey and ill put more effort into gettin a decent kick, thanks for the feed back do you have any links for how to structure a tune im not that well versed on how to do it properly