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retard who had a WoW "girlfriend"
Dude's Cyber Girlfriend Actually a Dude
Posted by: Andrew on Tuesday, May 25, 2004 - 06:01 PM
World of Warcraft Twenty year old college sophomore John Harrison suffered a terrible shock over the weekend when he discovered that his long-time cyber girlfriend was actually a male in disguise. His girlfriend, who plays under the guise of Chelxai a night elf priest on the Emerald Dream roleplaying-PvP server in World of Warcraft, couldn't be reached for comment as of press time.
The two first met ten months ago when Harrison joined the Knights of the Round guild that was accepting mid-level players at the time. Chelxai was one of the founding members of the guild, and a close friend of some of the officers. The two quickly became friends while leveling together in the Deadmines, and they were soon spending long hours grouping with one another exclusively and not paying attention to the guild chat. Rumors quickly spread through the guild ranks of the budding romance, though early reports indicate that Harrison wasn't aware of the massive wang his girlfriend sported at any time during the courtship.
The relationship hit a snag at the five-month mark when Chelxai informed the guild that she might have to leave the game permanently because she lost her job at Hooter's, but Harrison valiantly stepped forward and offered to pay for her two accounts until she could get back on her feet. It was later established that Chelxai's parents had cut him off in an effort to get him off of the computer long enough to go and search for a real job.
The revelation that Chelxai was actually a guy has caused a rift in the guild. A survey of the guild showed that everyone but the officers had engaged in a textual relations with Chelxai since the guild's founding, and they now live in constant fear of screenshots surfacing on the forums. Further scandal erupted when an unnamed source amongst the officers hinted that the higher ranking officers were aware of the entire charade since the guild was founded and thought the whole situation was hilarious. Guild infighting quickly spilled over to public message boards, compounding Harrison's mortification to impossibly high levels.
An artist's rendition of the couple's "budding relationship" in Elwynn.
The clever ruse also caused some stir amongst the general male population of the server. Pictures of Chelxai had been making the rounds on server message boards, and he managed to gather a large following of fanboys before it was revealed that the object of their desire was actually a twenty seven year old junior college dropout who still lived with his parents and had recently been fired from the local Burger King after being caught masturbating in the store office to pictures of blood elves he had printed out and brought to work.
Anonymous sources who knew about the masquerade were surprised that it went on for so long. Voice chat nearly brought the whole charade crashing down, but Chelxai cleverly sidestepped the issue for months by claiming that he couldn't afford a microphone. The issue was further complicated when Harrison Mailed him a webcam and Plantronics headset, but managed to escape detection yet again by claiming the hardware wasn't compatible with MacOS. Harrison's sheer stupidity played a large role in that dupe, as he never stopped to consider that no serious gamer would be caught dead using an Apple product other than an iPod.
The entire affair finally came crashing down when several players started noticing a pattern in misstells that seemed suspicious. Suspicion mounted for several months, but the final proof came when the picture that had been circulating was discovered on the popular Myspace social networking site under a screen name registered to a girl with a different name, screen name, and location.
Neither Harrison or Chelxai have been seen on Emerald Dream since the story broke. Players speculate that they might have seen the last of the couple on that server. Chelxai has been elevated to the highest pariah status anyone can achieve in the game’s social hierarchy, and Harrison will forever be labeled as the guy that was dating another guy without knowing it, even though that sort of thing goes on anonymously in Elwynn Forest almost every night.
Daily Gaming was able to track down Harrison’s e-mail and finally received a response after several inquiries. He declined an interview, but did issue a public statement:
“I just think this whole fake girl thing was messed up. I’m getting away from Warcraft and focusing on my dancing for now. I'd just like to thank my new cyber-girlfriend, Rasuka, for helping me through this difficult time."
Exclusive DGN footage of the Harrison and his new "woman" "comforting" one another on the outskirts of Elwynn.
Daily Gaming will continue to bring you any new developments in this story as they become available.
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