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Once everything comes in, it works pretty well. The introduction is a little awkward. I've always been told to open a track with a steady beat and simple instrumentals so that the DJ can sync it to whatever s/he was spinning previously. Honestly I would actually start your track 30 seconds into it. You have a drum dropout later in the song so you don't need to build up at the beginning from nothing. The hi-hats need to sound a little more fluid. The snare sounds pretty good. I would also have an open hi-hat or a strong "shhhhh" kind of sound going continuously on every upbeat (on the 3, 7, 11, and 15 if you divide the measure into its 16 16th notes).
One or perhaps more of your voices is echoing at a pace that tangles up the rhythm a little bit. One thing I do with my echoes is make the left side echo differently from the right side. I create two different delay boxes and pan one completely to the left and the other completely to the right. I link them to the mixer through which I'm feeding my synth rather than the synth directly. I usually echo my voices in the following patterns according to sixteenth notes (left: 3/16, right: 5/16 or left: 4/16, right: 7/16). I'm not sure if I explained that well. If you already know how to do all that, I apologize if I insulted your intelligence.
It just sounds like some of the things getting in your way are things that I have had to figure out. A lot of your intuitions are very good. Let me know whenever you revise this.
Peace, Agent Starchild
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Agent Starchild
Durham, NC, USA
Those who share the wealth of their knowledge will end up far wealthier and more loved. Those who use their knowledge as a throne from which to sneer at others will never have a true friend.
Tracks-in-progress (Please help me make these better):
Eve of the Invasion
The Realm of Possibility
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