The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest (BLFC) is a tongue-in-cheek contest that takes place annually and is sponsored by the English Department of San José State University in San Jose, California. Entrants are invited "to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels" — that is, deliberately bad. A prize of US$250 is awarded.

Results for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest: http://www.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2007.htm

Some amusing ones (to me, at least):

The actual winner:

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Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

For the Children's Literature subcategory:

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Danny, the little Grizzly cub, frolicked in the tall grass on this sunny Spring morning, his mother keeping a watchful eye as she chewed on a piece of a hiker they had encountered the day before.

Runner-Up:

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Mary had a little lamb; its fleece was Polartec 200 (thanks to gene splicing, a diet of force-fed petrochemical supplements, and regular dips in an advanced surface fusion polymer), which had the fortunate side effect of rendering it inedible, unlike that other Mary's organic lamb which misbehaved at school and wound up in a lovely Moroccan stew with dried apricots and couscous.

Dishonorable Mention for Science Fiction:

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Racing through space at unimaginable speeds, Capt. Dimwell could only imagine how fast his spaceship was going.

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Danny, the little Grizzly cub, frolicked in the tall grass on this sunny Spring morning, his mother keeping a watchful eye as she chewed on a piece of a hiker they had encountered the day before.

dawww
That's so sweet, where can I get a copy?

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Originally posted by Lilith dawww That's so sweet, where can I get a copy?

Imagine the emotional scars on your children if you actually got them this book.

My kids?
Hell no, but there's a bunch of the little bastards on the other half's side that need a bit of trauma, it'd make up for being clubbed over the head with a plastic robot on the weekend...

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Originally posted by Lilith My kids? Hell no, but there's a bunch of the little bastards on the other half's side that need a bit of trauma, it'd make up for being clubbed over the head with a plastic robot on the weekend...

Breaking kids mentally rather than physically is so much more fun.

Physical pain is temporary, but mental pain is forever!

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Originally posted by chinamon not true. i say "ugh" but i am a tranny.

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Originally posted by kotsy lol colour me retarded

Bahahaha...

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Ruthanne felt as though she was frozen in time, staring into Steve's eyes, deep turquoise pools of Tidy-Bowl blue, reflecting back the deep passionate love that Ruthanne felt in her heart because Steve certainly didn't feel anything, being in a coma as he was, so what Ruthanne had reflected back to herself was what she herself felt, bouncing off Steve's eyes, because there was absolutely zip going on behind those eyes.

so what happend to the elaphant, did it survive?

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ermmm ummmmm ermmmmmmm....

Omg, these are great!

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Agent 53986262.9 was strapped precariously to a giant Chinese firework, the fuse slowly shortening like a noodle getting slurped into someone's pursed lips, and although he knew he was running out of time and still had no plan for escape, all he could think of was the song about the Muffin Man and how the word "polyurethane" made it sound like the material was made out of multiple urethras.

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Out of a hole in the ground popped a bunny rabbit which had a long thick orange carrot between its teeth and a big splotch of mud on its back that had dried into a dirt clump the size of a tumor.

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I'd been tailing this guy for over an hour while he tried every trick in the book to lose me: going down side streets, doubling back, suddenly veering into shop doorways, jumping out again, crossing the street, looking for somewhere to make the drop, and I was going to be there when he did it because his disguise as a postman didn't have me fooled for a minute.

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The highway coiled up and around the mountain like a snake ready to strike because it was being harassed by one of those annoying guys on "Animal Planet."

BUAHAHHAHAHAHA, great thread.

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201

I wish I would have know about this sooner - pretty brilliant.

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