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listening on laptop speakers because my roommate took away my sound interface
from what I can tell, kick and bass sound all right, I think the kick could be a little more sine like- you know the psy typical 'zapping' kick.
Then the first melody comes in and hum... I think the sound needs a little more depth. Its a bit too loud and maybe it stands out a little too much. how about cutting the mids of it a bit?
During the breakdown it sounds not too bad in connection with the strings. But as Magadansky said, to be honest: the melody is not good.
maybe it would work to add more notes, like an arpeggio... and then maybe a bit more delay (with 3/4 beat timing).
The driving passage in the last 20 seconds or so was the best part of your track, I think you should expand on this.
I'd like to see this in the Psy mix but first I try to encourage you to improve it a little. Keep it up! 
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Cybernetika albums (free DL): Atropos (2009) | Nanospheric (2008) | Neural Network Expansion (2007) | Promo #1 (2006) | Paralysis (2005)
homepage: http://www.cybernetika.de
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