Lira's investigation: Is Arbiter a hot Cuban girl?
Juanita Ramirez del Toro
Age: 26 Birthplace: Havana
Could this be Arbiter?
After years of investigation, I'm proud to present the results of my work. Ever since I joined TA, I saw my boardmates pose the very same question: Who on Earth is Arbiter? The commotion soon became generalised but, once we realised we would never find out their identity, the tension ebbed.
But, I decided I'd look further into it, and I'd find out who Arbiter truly was. Could one, based on the little we know, unveil Arbiter's real identity? Was it just an internet persona? A committee? Or, perhaps, a bot? Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, Arby's identity will no longer be concealed from you.
Details of the investigation
The information we've got on Arbiter is scarce, but precious. In order to properly understand the conclusion to which I've come, I'd like to show you all the hints that were valuable in in quest. Please, bear with me, and with the extensive use of singular "they":
Firstly, Arbiter is ruthless, frank, and in a really odd way, caring. If you try to cut in front of them in traffic, Arbiter would make you regret the day you bought a car. However, if you deep inside your heart ask them a question about the meaning of life, they will promptly reply, even if the answer is to come with a sarcastic undertone.
Make no mistake, these are truly feminine characteristics. Hence, Arbiter is a girl.
A home video of Arbiter dancing reggaeton?
It's more likely than you think! As the Romans
used to say, "Veni, Vidi, Veni-veni-veni! OMG!".
Secondly, we all know Arbiter loves Nietzsche. She probably realised she was smarter than the average person, and tried her luck elsewhere. She's also really capitalist, and that doesn't often happen in a capitalist country. Therefore, she ought to have come from one of the few communist countries in the world.
She could be Chinese or North Korea. Vietnam, perhaps. But, it's not that easy to get from China to the US illegally, I reckon. Hell, it's nearly impossible to get out of North Korea by any means! That could happen, I'm sure, but she was in Tampa a while ago. What the hell would a Chinese girl be doing in Tampa? If only she were in Vancouver, or somewhere California, she could have slanty eyes and she wouldn't be able to say my surname. But, no, that's not the case.
She could also have come from the former Soviet Union. However, I remember she's my age. I was too bloody young when the Berlin Wall fell, and communism in Easter Europe collapsed. No matter how clever she is, there's no way in hell she could've emigrated at such young age. So, once again, we must rule out a country (actually, I think we can discard the whole region).
She could be African... but, personally, I've never seen anyone from a communist country in Africa, so I just ignored these republics altogether.
That leaves us with one single possibility: Cuba! She's Cuban. Where else could she have come from? Berkeley? As if!
Now, how could she have gone all the way from Cuba to the US. Easy! She was on a boat! Really, just look at her! She's on a boat! If you don't see that, look hard, because she-is-on-a-boat! Or, rather, she was.
She had Nietzsche's books for oars, and probably the paper was by far the most nutritious "food" she had available to her, so it's no exaggeration to say she devoured all of Nietzsche's books. Except, maybe, for the Antichrist. She needed an oar, after all.
After spending all that time adrift, I'm sure she's not fat. She sometimes must've had to swim here and there in order to get food. I'm sure she'd just bite the hell out of all fish she found, sharks included. It's Arbiter we're talking about! Therefore, she probably has good legs and a nice arse.
Finally, I reckon she must've had to drink something for breakfast until the day she swam ashore. She could even have breastfed the other emigrants, but I'm not sure she'd care about them enough to do that. Well, maybe. Regardless of that, this is the reason why she must have great tits. She sailed away for weeks. She had potential to feed the entire Italian army. And that's how she got to Florida. I'm sure Darth Vader is still somewhere in the beach trying to collect the water Arbiter drank in order to become immortal. Or something.
Conclusion
This is why I believe Arbiter is a Cuban girl. Feel free to post comments, criticism, and post more hints about her true identity. Arbiter, if you're reading this, and you don't really appreciate our efforts, don't worry. We adore you, you big titty Nietzschean!
xoxoxoxo,
- Lira
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Jul-22-2009 02:09
tubularbills
Max Power!
Registered: Apr 2003
Location: Middle of fucking nowhere
that was very in-depth.
Jul-22-2009 02:12
Domesticated
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Feb 2007
Location:
Arbiter's opinions and argumentative techniques are more overtly masculine than a 6-inch boner.
Jul-22-2009 02:15
Lebezniatnikov
Stupidity Annoys Me
Registered: Feb 2004
Location: DC
Another example of why Lira is one of my favorite TAs.
___________________
Jul-22-2009 02:19
Sushipunk
Flickering, I roam
Registered: Sep 2006
Location: Chateau Verdafloor
Re: Lira's investigation: Is Arbiter a hot Cuban girl?
Fucking lol Lira!
quote:
Originally posted by Lira
If only she were in Vancouver, or somewhere California, she could have slanty eyes and she wouldn't be able to say my surname.
___________________
Jul-22-2009 02:25
Lebezniatnikov
Stupidity Annoys Me
Registered: Feb 2004
Location: DC
Re: Lira's investigation: Is Arbiter a hot Cuban girl?
quote:
Originally posted by Lira
We adore you, you big titty Nietzschean!
Greatest string of words ever?
___________________
Jul-22-2009 02:27
MeLLyMeL
I miss my best friend :(
Registered: Dec 2003
Location: In A Bathroom.
aside from the booty shaking.. that girl moves her hips the proper way when she does it side to side.
___________________
Although you are far away
I know you'll always be
Near to me
Near to me
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Jul-22-2009 02:30
Paradox Lost
In This Twilight
Registered: Aug 2007
Location: San Francisco
Indeed; I always thought "Mr Scowley" had an overtly feminine Cuban flavor to it.
Last edited by Paradox Lost on Jul-22-2009 at 02:43
Jul-22-2009 02:33
yukii
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Dec 2008
Location:
___________________
quote:
Posted by Omega_Blue
that's it, fuck it i'm quitting ta forever.
fuck if i'm gonna get trolled by fucking yukii. dammit!
Jul-22-2009 02:34
Domesticated
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Feb 2007
Location:
quote:
Originally posted by MeLLyMeL
aside from the booty shaking.. that girl moves her hips the proper way when she does it side to side.
I just watched the video, and all I can say is: during my 3 odd months in South America next year, I will be a very happy man if I end up in bed with a woman who can do that. The chick in that particular clip is pretty cute, too.
Jul-22-2009 02:36
MeLLyMeL
I miss my best friend :(
Registered: Dec 2003
Location: In A Bathroom.
haha my mom lives vicariously through me and paid these belly dancing classes for me.
it was awesome and yes of course the bf loves it!
___________________
Although you are far away
I know you'll always be
Near to me
Near to me
R.I.P. DarkAngel 12-16-o9
Jul-22-2009 02:39
jonSun
Supreme tranceaddict
Registered: Dec 2003
Location: Chicago CTA #77
Re: Lira's investigation: Is Arbiter a hot Cuban girl?
quote:
Originally posted by Lira
I always though he would wear a darth vader outfit to the beach.
Now, how could she have gone all the way from Cuba to the US. Easy! She was on a boat! Really, just look at her! She's on a boat! If you don't see that, look hard, because she-is-on-a-boat! Or, rather, she was.
