"When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you
expire."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube"

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon
monoxide"

"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin
is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and
caterpillars."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even
deader."

"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it
can hold."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like
umbrellas."

"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst
insects."

"The alimentary canal is located in the northern part of
Indiana."

"The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more
extinct it is."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot."

"Vacumm: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is pro or con."

"To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the
nose."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

"For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up and
down to make artifical perspiration."

"For fainting: Rub the person's chest or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. Or put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for sevral days. If he has
not recovered, then kill it."

"For asphyxiation: Apply artificial respiration until the
patient is dead."

"For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose untill it
drops in your throat."

"To keep milk from turning sour: Keep it in the cow."

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