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on the fear of getting old
i turn 28 in July and i don't know why but i'm freaking the fuck out. 27 was a bit sobering but this upcoming one is making me feel soooo fucking...done.
i guess for some reason i just assumed the partying, bar hopping and the constant quest to get laid would continue indefinitely 
now with each passing weekend i can't help but feel reminded that you know what, someday, probably soon, it'll end. i'll be too damn tired, feel too damn old and creepy to hit on the 21 yr olds and thats gonna suck.
worst of all is the regrets. we all have our own i know but it's just...i expected alot more from my social life for my 20s than what actually materialized, and it feels like it could've been so much better in so many ways. fuck!!
i hardly have any true solid friends. in LA even in my early 20s most of my buddies were in their 30s (don't ask why it just worked out that way) and after moving to NYC i lost touch with almost all of them. come to think of it, perhaps they were never really true friends anyway, or we somehow would've stayed in touch, right? even in NYC i only have 1 - 2 close friends, after 1.5 yrs of living there, but i can't help but question the strength of those friendships often...
life's too long, and why are we only young for such a small percentage of that span? to think that the average lifespan these days is 70 or so...and most of that time is spent being an old person 
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