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First of all, I wouldn't expect replies in 2 days around here... things just move slower than that, especially if you want honest feedback. I've seen numerous threads that will never get replies.
For honest feedback:
Your kick is really weak... in fact, it could be a bigger problem of your mix down. As a start, clear the master channel of any effects. Drop everything so that it is lower than the kick. Make the kick the loudest thing in your mix and be sure to leave at least 3db of headroom, if not more. Remember, sound can always be expanded, but if its too loud, its distorted which doesn't help you.
The percussion and cymbals need heavy work, as in your transitions they feel well out of place. The continual kick rolls don't work well. Whatever you have as the loud "thunderclap" type sound does not work at all. Either ditch it or replace it with something better in tune.
One thing I notice about your transitions is that they don't follow the structure of your track. You want structure and balance, not quick strikes. Leave the quick strikes for instrument drop in's. They don't work for transitions. The roll you have around 1:40 is neat because it flows in the structure.
Your melodies are alright though the sidechained fill is well overused. It really shines in the simplicity of the 2:40 section.
Remember that less can be more too. All too often we try to do to much, and I feel like the guitar you add really doesn't help the outro of the above section.
Hope that helps some. It's not meant to be harsh, just honest. I like the melody, but some synth variety could also help your melodies stand out more.
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