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Irish Jokes
>>>Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly so
>>>the morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best
>>>friends, Seamus and Sean (also Irishmen), were sent for.
>>>
>>>Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus
>>>said "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over".
>>>
>>>So the mortician rolled him over. Seamus looked and said "Nope, it
>>>ain't Paddy".
>>>
>>>The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought
>>>Sean in to identify the body. Sean took a look at him and said,
>>>"Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over".
>>>
>>>The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said,"No,
>>>it ain't Paddy".
>>>
>>>The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
>>>
>>>Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two a*seholes."
>>>
>>>"What, he had two a*seholes???" said the mortician.
>>>
>>>"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into
>>>town, folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two
>>>a*seholes...."
>>>
>>>****************************************************************
>>>
>>>Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
>>>checkpoint.
>>>
>>>Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put
>>>5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four".
>>>
>>>"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishmen
>>>retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed
>>>to carry five persons."
>>>
>>>"You can not pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means
>>>four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore
>>>breaking the law."
>>>
>>>The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor
>>>over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"
>>>
>>>"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat
>>>Uno."
>>>
>>>****************************************************************
>>>
>>>Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are
>>>charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."
>>>
>>>A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b*stard!"
>>>
>>>The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your
>>>daughter to death with a spanner."
>>>
>>>Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You
>>>f***ing b*stard!!!"
>>>
>>>The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom,
>>>and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at
>>>this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from
>>>you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"
>>>
>>>Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For
>>>fifteen years I lived next door to that b*stard. And every time I
>>>asked to borrow a f***ing spanner, he said he didn't have one!"
>>>
>>>*****************************************************************
>>>
>>>A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he
>>>looks in his shirt pocket and asks for another beer.
>>>
>>>After drinking that one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and
>>>asks for another beer. This happens about another seven times
>>>before the bartender asks him, "Why do you keep looking in your
>>>pocket?"
>>>
>>>The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she
>>>looks good enough, I'll go home."
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