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A few stupid jokes
Little Johnny at the Pool
Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at
the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said
the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.
"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the
diving board!"
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A blonde goes for a job interview in an office.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics.
"So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for
about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh...22!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward
one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your
height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring
tape from her handbag. She then traps one end
under her foot and extends the tape to the top of
her head. She checks the measurement and announces
"Five foot two!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes
for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm
for our records, your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for
about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently
to herself, before replying "Mandy!".
The interviewer is completely baffled at this
stage, so he asks "Just out of curiosity, miss.
We can understand your counting on your fingers
to work out your age, and the measuring tape for
your height is obvious, but what were you doing
when we asked you your name?"
"Ohh that!", replies the blonde, "That's just
me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy
birthday to you . . .
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A young girl is sitting in a barber shop with
her mother, eating a Twinkie, and anxiously
awaiting her first haircut.
When her turn comes, she brings her Twinkie
with her to the chair, and the barber covers
her. Soon, she pulls the Twinkie out for a bite.
"You're getting hair on your Twinkie," the
barber playfully warns.
"Yes, I know," she replies. "And I'm getting
boobs, too."
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Two little boys were engaging in the time
honoured tradition of a verbal battle like
little boys all over the world.
Richard: "My Father is better than your Father!"
Peter: "No, he's not!"
Richard: "My brother is better than you brother!"
Peter: "He is not! He is not!!!"
Richard: "My Mother is better than your Mother!"
A long pause ensued...
Peter: "Well, I guess ya got me there. I've
heard my Father say the same thing more than
once."
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A state trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the
blonde driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the
road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had
an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I
swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved
to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer
replied, "Ma'am...that's your air freshener."
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