A doctor was transferred to a very tough Australian commando base. On
this first
day three soldiers turned up to see him.
The first marched in and snapped to attention.
"What seems to be the problem?" asked the Doc.
"I've got piles sir!" shouted soldier.
"How have you been treating them?" asked the doctor as he examined the
soldier.
"I've been rubbing my arse with a wire brush until it bleeds, Sir!"
replied the commando.
The doctor then asked the soldier about his main ambitions in life.
"I want to kill more enemies, sir!" he replied.
The doctor was amazed that a soldier in so much pain just wanted to do
his duty.
The second soldier marched in and told the doctor he had gonorrhea.
"How have you been treating it until now?" asked the doctor.
"I've been rubbing the end of my prick with a wire brush until it
bleeds, sir!"
The doctor then asked him about his ambition in life.
"To kill more enemies, sir!" the soldier replied.
Again the doctor was amazed about the pain threshold of the soldiers.
Finally, the third soldier walked in and the doctor asked him about
his problem.
"I've got ulcerated gums, sir!" the soldier bellowed.
"And how are you treating them?" asked the doctor.
"I've been rubbing my gums with a wire brush until they bleed, sir!"
replied the soldier.
"And what's your ambition in life?" asked the doctor.
"To be the first to use the wire brush, sir!"

-------------------

Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting
about how tough their fathers were.
"My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Lick that" , said young Harry.
"Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 gooks.
so lick that!" Tommy said.
"That's fuck all!" declared little Johnny.
"My dad hasn't wiped his arse in 10 years.
so lick that!"

-------------------

A gay man had just learned that his lover had died, and he went to the
hospital to say a last farewell.
As the doctor followed him to where they kept the corpse, the gay man
said:
"Could I please take him home with me?"
"Why do you want to do that?"
"I want to cook him and eat him afterwards."
"That's disgusting, what on earth do you want to do that for?"
"I want to feel him glide out of me one last time..."

-------------------

Barbara Walters of CNN did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several
years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily
walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now
walked several yards behind their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is
marvellous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women
here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

"Land mines," said the Kuwaiti woman.

-------------------

"A man came home early from work. He saw
a guy jogging naked.
So the man ran over to him and said "Hey buddy, why are
you out here jogging naked?"
The guy said, "Because you came home early."

-------------------

A man was sitting alone in his office one
night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.

"And what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh?
How can I be getting a third wish when I
haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already," the genie
said, "but your second wish was for me to put
everything back the way it was before you made
your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,
because everything is the way it was before
you made any wishes. You now have one wish
left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this,
but what the heck. I've always wanted to
understand women. I'd love to know what's
going on inside their heads."

"Funny," said the genie as it granted his
wish and disappeared forever, "That was your
first wish, too!"

-------------------

Little Johnny was standing on the corner
with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all
about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty
people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper,
and checked the front page. Finding nothing,
the man said, "There's nothing in here about
fifty people being swindled."

Johnny just ignored him and went on, calling
out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people
swindled!"