Two blondes, Donna & Tracey, decide to take a
camel trip through the desert. Before they leave
Ahab the camel salesman tells them to make sure
their camel drinks water at every oasis along
the way.
But wouldn't you know it when they get to the
first oasis the camel won't drink.
They try everything and still no luck.
Finally, Tracey says "Donna, I'm gonna hold the
camels head under water and you try sucking on
his ass. Maybe we'll get some water in him that
way."
After a minute Donna yells out, "lift his head
up all I'm getting is mud."

-----------------

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies
who worked as airplane mechanics in ATLANTA.
One day the airport was fogged in and they
were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.
Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to
drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can
drink jet fuel and get a buzz.
You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a
couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get
completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes
up and is surprised at how good he feels. In
fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side
effects.
Nothing! Then the phone rings...It's Jim.
Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a
hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no
hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"What's that?"
"Have you farted yet?"
"No....."
"Well, DON'T, 'cause I'm in PHOENIX!!!"

-----------------

The British Aviation Authority used to test the
strength of windshields on planes using a device
that could fire out dead chickens at extremely
high speed.
The device was pointed at the aircraft's
windshield and if the chicken didn't break it, it
was assumed that the windshield would survive the
impacts of actual collisions with birds when in
flight.
British Rail had recently designed a new locomotive
and was testing various designs of windshields, so
they borrowed the device from the BAA.
Adjusting it to approximate the maximum speed of
the train, they loaded a dead chicken and fired it
at the first windshield design.
The chicken went straight through the windshield,
broke several components and left a huge dent in
the compartment door. Surprised by the result, they
asked a BAA official if they had done the test
correctly.
An engineer checked everything and suggested that
for their next test they defrost the chicken.

-----------------

Two gay men are living together. Bruce goes out to work while Cyril
stays at home everyday to do the housework. One day Bruce comes
home and finds Cyril with his bum in the fridge. "What are you doing Cyril?"
he asks, to which the Cyril replies, "Oh Bruce, I thought you might like something
nice and cool to slip into when you came home."

-----------------

A man was carrying 2 babies, one in each arm while waiting for a
train.
Along came this woman seeing the 2 cute babies started asking the man,
"Aren't they cute, what are their names?"
The man giving the lady an angry look replied "I don't know".
The lady asked again "Which is a boy and which is a girl?".
The man looking angrier than before replied "I don't know".
The woman then started to scold the man "What kind of a father are
you?".
The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman
and these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company."

-----------------

A husband and wife and their two sons are watching TV. She looks
at her husband and winks at him, he gets the message and says,
"Excuse us for a few minutes boys, we're going up to our room for
a little while."

Pretty soon one of the boys becomes curious, goes upstairs and
sees the door to his parents bedroom is half open. He peeks in for a
few minutes, trots downstairs, gets his little brother and takes
him up to peek into the bedroom.

"Before you look in there," he says, "keep in mind this is the
same woman who paddled our butts just for sucking our thumbs."

-----------------

Those three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their
fathers are.
The first one says: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an
arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow".
The second one says: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a
hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet".
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then
says: "You two know nothing about fast. My father is a civil servant.
He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45"!!

Last edited by jp on Oct-29-2002 at 12:41