A young couple got married. On their honeymoon,
they were very anxious about having sex because
they were both virgins.
Because of their sexual inexperience, they were
a bit uncomfortable discussing the subject so
they came up with the term "doing the laundry"
to use in place of "having sex."
This made them both more comfortable with the
whole concept. Well, the first night of their
honeymoon was wonderful. They "did the laundry"
5 times that first night.
In the middle of the night the new husband woke
up, and he was ready to do the laundry again.
He gently shook his new wife and asked her,
"Can we do the laundry again?"
but she was very tired. She told him that she
just couldn't do it again just yet. Maybe in the
morning.
A few hours later the new wife awoke feeling
very guilty. What he had asked for wasn't
unreasonable, and she decided she should go
ahead and "do the laundry" with him again.
She gently shook him and said, "Honey, I'm
sorry I denied you... We can do the laundry
again if you want."
He replied, "That's okay... It was a small
load... I did it by hand."

-------------------

A husband and wife were in the bathroom
getting ready for work when the husband
looked at his wife and said, "I gotta
have you!"

He backed her up against the bathroom
door, pulled down her panties and ravaged
her. He knew he was doing great because she
screamed and wiggled more than she ever had
before. When he finished, he started putting
his clothes back on, when he noticed his
wife still writhing against the door.

He said, "That was the best, honey. You've
never moved like that before, you didn't
hurt yourself did you?"

His wife said, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can
get the doorknob out of my ass."

-------------------

Young Jimmy is absent from school one day. On
his return his teacher asks, "We didn't see
you in class, what was wrong with you yesterday,
Jimmy?"

"My Daddy got burned, Miss," says Jimmy.

Taken aback, the teacher replies "Thats a shame,
Jimmy. Was he badly burned?"

Jimmy looks at her. "They don't fuck around at
the crematorium, Miss."

-------------------

A man went to a French restaurant. The menu was in French
and he spoke no French. When the waiter asked his choice, he
told the waiter to bring out the restaurant's specialty. The
man had a truly fantastic meal. The waiter asked if the man
wanted dessert. He responded that the waiter should bring
out the restaurant's specialty. The waiter said that was the
peach poosay and he would order it for him.

A waitress came out with a covered silver platter. She took
the cover off and there was a peach that had been quartered
and pitted. The waitress proceeded to raise her skirt and
take a piece of the peach and push it in and out of her
pussy. She picked up the second piece and did the same.

The man called the waiter over an asked, "Am I actually
expected to eat the peach after that?"
The waiter responded, "But no Monsieur, you eat the poosay."

-------------------

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were
getting their physicals. During the
inspection, the doctor was surprised to
discover that both of them possessed
incredibly long, oversized penises. "How
do you account for this?" he asked the
brothers.

"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.

"I see," said the doctor, writing in his
file. "Your father's the reason for your
elongated penises?"

"No sir, our mother."

"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have
penises!"

"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "but
she only had one arm, and when it came to
getting us out of the bathtub, she had to
manage as best as she could."

-------------------

Two blonde friends, Susan and Debbie, are having
coffee when Susan says, "I hear that you've been
telling people that I'm ugly!"

"Oh, no!" Debbie assured her. "I've just been
saying that your new hair style makes you look
less attractive."

"I also heard that you've been calling me fat!"

"Oh, no!" Debbie assured her. "I just said that
when you wear those stripes, it makes you look
larger than you really are."

"I also heard that you're saying that my
boyfriend has a wart on his penis!" Susan accused.

"Oh, no! I only said that it feels like he has a
wart on his penis!"