A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded, "Now, calm down. Be a little patient."

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Harry and his wife were driving in the country when he saw a sign that said, "Cow For Sale...$5000"

He pulled in and said to the farmer, "There's no cow in the world worth five thousand dollars."

The farmer said, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this!"

He lifted the cow's tail, and Harry saw that the cow had a snatch just like a woman. Harry got back in the car, turned to his wife, and began to cry, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a cow that has a snatch like a woman and it's worth $5000. And here I am, with you, with a snatch like a cow, and you ain't worth shit!"



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"My hobbies are huntin' and drinkin'." said Bob.

"What do you hunt?" asked John.

"Somethin to drink," replied Bob.



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There was a gentleman living in a small village who unfortunately had a stomach disorder that required him to drink the milk of a nursing mother. Well there weren't too many women in the village nursing babies and even fewer who would agree to allow a grown man to suck on their breast. But low and behold, the poor man finally found a rather buxom young girl who recently had given birth who was willing to help him out-- for a price.

The man was desperate because his condition was growing worse, so he agreed to pay the woman the amount of money she demanded. After all, the woman had a new born baby to care for and the father had abandoned them to their fate.

The first day was a bit awkward as the man showed up and, with a bit of anxiety and embarrassment, leaned over and began to suck on the woman's breast. Well weeks went by and the awkwardness began to fade.

One day, the woman realized that the man's sucking was beginning to arouse her sexually. It became almost unbearable and finally, in a sensuous voice, she said: "Is there anything else you'd like?"

The man paused in his sucking for a moment and looked up at her. "Yeah," he said finally, "to be honest, a cookie with this milk would be great"



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A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."

The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse.

"Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again.

"On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..." "So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery.

"But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."