An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal
Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman
docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin
tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality
of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The
Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer
and catch more fish?"

The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's
immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the
rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little,
play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria,
stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and
play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life,
Senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could
help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the
proceeds, buy a bigger boat with the proceeds from the
bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you
would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling
your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the
processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would
control the product, processing and distribution. You would
need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move
to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will
run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will
this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, Senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part.
When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell
your company stock to the public and become very rich,
you would make millions."

"Millions, Senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a
small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late,
fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your
wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could
sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

---------------------

If men ruked the world...

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically
forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an
acceptable response to "I love you."

Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?"
cards.

If your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during
the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of
the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass
and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty
much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names
of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes
of the NFL team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.


"Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night"
would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and
you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a
brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.


It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends,
put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating
the "public ugliness" ordinance.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

--------------------------

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road
when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind
a log.
"My what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little
Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!
Further down the road Little Red Riding Hood sees
the wolf again, this time he is crouched behind a
tree stump.
"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf," says Little
Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away.
About 2 miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood
sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind
a road sign.
"My what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf" taunts Little
Red Riding Hood.
With that the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams,
"Will you get lost! I'm trying to take a shit!"

----------------------

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when
a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the
end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and
ordered her a drink. Soon he had moved down beside
her and ordered her another drink. After a third
round, the bartender looked up and they were
leaving the bar together.
The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely
crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping
for air. His whiskers were bent and broken, tail was
crooked and patches of hair were falling out.
The bartender took one look and said, "How did it
go last night?"
The mouse said, "Man, that was the best sex I ever
had."
The bartender asked, "Why do you look so bad?"
The mouse replied, "Hey between the kissing and the
screwing I must have run 10 miles!"

---------------------

A guy has been drinking in a bar all day and asks
the bartender where the toilet is. So they guy
goes to the toilet and he's there pissing away
when he looks to his right and sees a black guy
come in. The black guy pulls out his cock and it's
fucking huge. The black guy goes over to a urinal,
swings his dick like a bat and smashes the urinal in
two. He then goes over to a sink, swings his dick and
smashes the sink in two, he then goes over to the
toilets doors and smashes his cock off the door
smashing it in half. The black guy says to the guy,
"I'm gonna fuck you up the ass!!!"
The guy goes "Phew! For a minute I thought
you were going to hit me with it."

---------------------------

A guy walks into this bar and says, "Hey bartender,
give me a Budweiser." So the bartender gets him a Bud.
The man is enjoying his beer when he notices two
beautiful blondes at the end of the bar. The man
noticing that his beer is empty says, "Hey bartender,
another Bud, and get those ladies at the end of
the bar a drink on me." The bartender gives the man
his Bud, and says "Don't bother getting those girls
a drink, it won't do you any good. You're just
wasting your time." The man says, "Naaa. Give
em one on me." So the bartender pours the girls
a drink and gives em to the blondes.

The girls out of respect raise their glasses, in
a sort of thank you, and take a drink. The man
now figures he's in. So he walks over to the girls.
He notices that the girls are empty again. So the
man yells, "Hey bartender, how about another round
over here?" The two girls look up at him and one
says, "It won't do you any good. You're just
wasting your time." Well the man puzzled, says,
"The bartender said the same thing. What the
hell does that mean I'm just wasting my time??"
The other blonde says, "Well we're lesbians, we
love to eat pussy!!" The man now has a huge smile
on his face and yells to the bartender, "Hey
bartender, 3 beers for us lesbians!!!"

---------------------------

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: 'I think my wife is having
an affair with the electrician. The other day I
came home and found wire cutters under our bed
and they weren't mine.'
His second friend says: 'I think my wife is
having an affair with the plummer the other
day I found a wrench under the bed and it
wasn't mine.'
Paddy says: 'I think my wife is having an
affair with a horse.' Both his friends look
at him with utter disbelief. 'No I'm serious.
The other day I came home and found a jockey
under our bed.'