Ed and Ted are standing side by side at urinals when Ed glances down and sees that Ted's dick is twisted like a corkscrew.

Ed says, "I've never seen one like that before."

Ted says, "Like what?"

Ed says, "All twisted, like a pig's tail."

Ted says, "What's yours like?"

Ed says, "Straight, like normal."

Ted says, "I thought mine was normal 'til I saw yours."

Ed finishes and starts shaking his prick.

Ted says, "What'd you do that for?"

Ed says, "I was shaking out the last few drops."

Ted says, "Wow... and to think that all these years I've been wringing mine out."

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A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of the sociologists at the state university.

They wrote a grant proposal; got a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, an anthropologist, and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing their questionnaires and such.

While the staff was busy getting ready for their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate was so high.

"Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to get up."

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A lawyer from New York was transferred to a small frontier town during the settlement of the West. After several weeks there he noticed that the town was populated solely by men.

He asked one of the local cowboys, "What do you do when you get the urge for a woman?"

The cowboy replied, "See them thar'sheep up on thet hill. We just go git us one."

"That is disgusting and barbaric!!" replied the lawyer.

After about 3 months the lawyer could not stand it any longer. He decided though, if he was going to do a sheep, he would show these yokels how to do it right. He picked out the prettiest sheep of the bunch, bathed her, put a pink ribbon on her, served her hay on a china plate, dressed her in fine lingerie, and then took the sheep to bed.

After he finished he decided to take his new found lover out for a drink. He wandered into the local saloon with the sheep under his arm. The piano fell silent, people dropped drinks, and all the cowboys turned, and stared in shocked disbelief.

The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm just doing it with more class."

"That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's gal you're with." The lawyer said, "You bunch of hypocrites. You look at me as if I'm some sort of freak for doing what you've been doing all along. I'm just doing it with more class."

"That ain't the problem," replied one cowboy. "That's the sheriff's gal you're with."

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A mouse is putting down a few stiff ones at the local pub one evening and since his best girl left him, he's feeling rather horny. Unfortunately the only female in the place is a giraffe, but she does look pretty good. In fact, as the mouse drains his glass he realises she look very good so he asks the barkeep to pour her a drink.

She smiles, he winks and next thing you know they're sitting right next to each other. The bartender goes about his business and after a while notices that both the mouse and the giraffe have left. About an hour or two later he sees the mouse coming back into the bar - his little tail is all curly-cued, one ear is flopped over and he generally looks like heck.
"What happened to you?", the barkeep inquires.

"Well", says the mouse, "you saw me leave with that giraffe, didn't you?"

The bartender nodded.

"Well," continued the mouse. "Between the 'Kiss me, Fuck me, Kiss me, Fuck me', I must have ran 20 miles!"