A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?"

He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "it's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk?"

Again he declines. "No, thanks. It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. "Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes...?"

Once more, he declines. "Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

"Well, then", she says, "Would you mind getting off me? I'm fricking STARVING!"

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A man had a ticket for the theater but when he was seated by the usher, he found that he was too far from the stage.

He whispered to the usher, "This is a mystery play, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, frowns at him, then leans over and whispers, "The wife did it".

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Ma and Pa Kettle were sitting on the front porch rocking away listening to Reverend Ike on the radio. The Rev said, "Place your left hand on the part of your body you want healed, raise your right hand in the air and say, "I Believe, I Believe!!" and you shall be healed."

Well, Ma placed her left hand inside her blouse over her tired old heart and lungs and raised her right hand in the air and shouted, "I Believe, I Believe!!!!!"

Meanwhile Pa just looked at her like she was some kind of lunatic until Ma started breathing nice and easy without her old wheeze, and started rocking twice as fast as before and a wonderful color came back into her cheeks!

Pa shrugged his shoulders, shoved his left hand down the front of his pants, started to raise his right hand in the air, when Ma said "Pa, the Reverend said, 'Heal', not raise the dead."