Hussein issues ultimatum to US

President Hussein of the Republic of Iraq has issued a strong statement outlining the Iraqi response if America fails to cooperate fully with a new UN resolution.

In the statement the Iraqi premier announced that "Continuing aggressive actions towards other states, and a terrible record of causing poverty in countries around the world, mean that the USA needs to be closely monitored. And if necessary, Iraq will take military action to prevent the US from wielding its war-machine against other nations".

The Iraqi plan is to use state-of-the-art fighter and bomber jets, and several types of guided and smart missiles to dismantle the US military complex, and reduce American cities to rubble.

President Hussein has attacked the US for refusing to allow the rest of the world, led by Iraq, to examine its nuclear, biological and chemical weapons capabilities. "This just proves that George has something to hide," said the Iraqi leader. Some maverick Iraqi citizens have questioned whether their leader should be demanding access to the weapons stockpile of another country; however they were decapitated after a summary trial.

In a terrified response to this America has begun a "dig a foxhole in your garden" information scheme. A programme teaching school children how to act in the event of an air raid or missile attack has also been initiated, showing them how to lie on the ground in a pool of blood screaming until either a burning ambulance comes or they fall unconscious.

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mmm.. don't know how i feel about this but the iraqi a partly right.. the us (red. bush) simply can't control it's desire to get into a war.. when the searched iraq the didn't discover any biological and nuclear weapons and still they aren't satisfied, they say that iraq does have these weapons, but they don't have any proof!

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Weeeee.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In what is being hailed as a tour de force, former U.N. Inspector, Scott Ritter, called George W. Bush’s bluff on the current situation with Iraq. In addition, Bush responded with a “duh, what took you so long?”

Ari Fleischer, official spin-doctor for the White House told reporters “this issue has really been blown out of proportion. What the President’s message really meant, and the one you should be reporting is that Saddam has been massing rounds of ammunition for the pellet and BB guns they managed to smuggle in through our blockade. Our intelligence sources are fairly certain that the combined firepower of these weapons would probably be equivalent to 10-15 megatons of TNT. Also, the material used for projectiles in these deadly weapons often comes in a solid-state form called “Lead” which is toxic and lethal for humans.”

“In essence, Saddam has what we call Weapon(s) of Mass Destruction. Clearly this firepower will be used in the future and we suspect that the aforementioned ‘assault’ rifles will somehow end up in the hands of ravenous youth trained to shoot out our windows and light bulbs. Our analysts estimate that the costs of replacing the property destroyed will be in the billions of dollars and a rough figure for deaths is somewhere between 25-50 million persons. Are you writing this down verbatim yet?”

Vice President, Dick Cheney shared his thoughts during his interview with Tim Russert, stating, “The watershed moment of last September has changed us as a country. We have changed in so many ways ranging from eating habits to makeup placement to eating popcorn. This metamorphosis, this changing, has affected everyone from taxi cab drivers to those that ride in their taxis and those who regulate them. I’m certain that more changes are on the way, and 9-11 will always be remembered as ‘The Day Everything Changed.’”

President Bush told listeners in his weekly radio announcement that “I’m sure all of you by now understand the dire situation we as a nation stand. We have irrefutable hearsay and conjecture that Saddam has in the past and will contintue to, aid those who use force to get fulfill their desires. This is intolerable and should be stopped at once. We have a lot of extra bombs right now, and well, they are as good a target as anyone else. Also, I have big plans for the future of Iraq, involving condos, tours and most definitely desert safaris. Eventually I’d like to branch out into several theme parks and am consulting Disney and Six Flags for possible ideas. Maybe after all the dust clears we can fulfill this American dream and bring roller coasters to those less fortunate. I’m taking calls for the next 15 minutes with suggestions, the number is…”

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While i find these hillarious, please, if you are going to joke, then state that it is a joke, or at least state your source.

unfortunately, there are those out there dumb enough to believe that this stuff is the truth. i suppose even more unfortunately, it's reasonable to assume that it is the truth.

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quote:

Originally posted by Xavier Hussein issues ultimatum to US President Hussein of the Republic of Iraq has issued a strong statement outlining the Iraqi response if America fails to cooperate fully with a new UN resolution. In the statement the Iraqi premier announced that "Continuing aggressive actions towards other states, and a terrible record of causing poverty in countries around the world, mean that the USA needs to be closely monitored. And if necessary, Iraq will take military action to prevent the US from wielding its war-machine against other nations". The Iraqi plan is to use state-of-the-art fighter and bomber jets, and several types of guided and smart missiles to dismantle the US military complex, and reduce American cities to rubble. President Hussein has attacked the US for refusing to allow the rest of the world, led by Iraq, to examine its nuclear, biological and chemical weapons capabilities. "This just proves that George has something to hide," said the Iraqi leader. Some maverick Iraqi citizens have questioned whether their leader should be demanding access to the weapons stockpile of another country; however they were decapitated after a summary trial. In a terrified response to this America has begun a "dig a foxhole in your garden" information scheme. A programme teaching school children how to act in the event of an air raid or missile attack has also been initiated, showing them how to lie on the ground in a pool of blood screaming until either a burning ambulance comes or they fall unconscious.

too cheesey...

After careful consideration, I have decided to award you 0 points. Better luck next time.

Hint: A point would be nice. And no, substituting the name of one country for another and the same for their leaders, etc, etc is NOT a point.

quote:

“In essence, Saddam has what we call Weapon(s) of Mass Destruction.

LOL

laser
(austin powers)

quote:

After careful consideration, I have decided to award you 0 points. Better luck next time. Hint: A point would be nice. And no, substituting the name of one country for another and the same for their leaders, etc, etc is NOT a point.

LOL agian

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quote:

Originally posted by Xavier The Iraqi plan is to use state-of-the-art fighter and bomber jets, and several types of guided and smart missiles to dismantle the US military complex, and reduce American cities to rubble.

Nice plan, must go over well with the European types around here... but seriously, this proves Iraq is led by a desparate fanatical dictator trying to do anything to avoid his responcibility... That is, *cough* up the weapons of mass destruction.

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This brings up a good point. Ok maybe Iraq doesnt have the right to have weapons of mass destruction. But what gives the states a right to have, and control them? It's even more disturbing because of how hell-bent bush is for war.

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quote:

Originally posted by Vanilla This brings up a good point. Ok maybe Iraq doesnt have the right to have weapons of mass destruction. But what gives the states a right to have, and control them? It's even more disturbing because of how hell-bent bush is for war.

My point exactly. And if anybody says it's ok because Iraq has a mad dictator and an opressive regime bent for war, China has an opressive regime as well, and nobody is more bent on war then GW Bush.

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Originally posted by DrUg_Tit0 My point exactly. And if anybody says it's ok because Iraq has a mad dictator and an opressive regime bent for war, China has an opressive regime as well, and nobody is more bent on war then GW Bush.

bush does this because he thinks that there are links between bin laden and irak, terrorist activity..
well i agree with ya, bush is much to war-minded..

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That's what he says, but it's not likeley. Iraq has one of the most secular governments in the middle east, so if Bush is looking for islamists, he should first attack Pakistan (let's not forget that Pakistanian intelligence agency was one of the major supporters of the Taliban, and without them, Talibans would probably be just another insignificant terrorist group), and Saudi Arabia (it's people are among most conservative islamic followers, and it is one of the 3 countries which have recognized the talibans as a legislative government of Afganistan.(Pakistan recognized them also, i forgot the third one)). Now, Pakistan has nuclear weapons, a minor inconvenience, so a direct attack is not a possibility, and Saudi Arabia, although being what it is, has huge amounts of oil, and is the only place in that part of the arab world that has american military bases in it. But the people of SA financially support Al Quaeda. That's why mein opinion of Saudi Arabia is really low, because basically it has no principles at all, it offers itself to who pays more.

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