A truck driver was pulled over by a Highway Car. The patrolman told him to get out of the truck, and noticed that the driver appeared to be putting something in his mouth as he stepped out of the cab. Figuring that the driver was putting away his pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see you swallow something?"

"Yep, that was my birth control pill." said the driver.

"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.

"Yep, when I saw your light, I knew I was fucked."

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A young man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large trucker sit down at the counter and order, "Gimme 3 flat tires and a couple of headlights".

Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook, "I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!".

The cook says, "He wants 3 pancakes & 2 eggs sunny-side up".

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the trucker.

He looks at it and growls, "What's this? I didn't order this!".

The young man tells him, "The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!"

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A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. "How are you grandpa? he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet ... and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. "What are you people doing," he says, "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the Sister. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

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A man and his son are walkin' down the street, when they see a big dog doin'the dirty with a small poodle.
The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they doing???". The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says, "Why, they're making a puppy, son."
Later that evening during dinner, the wife is pressuring the man to go 'upstairs' with her...so they do.
The son goes in his room and tries to fall asleep, but there just is too much noise going on in the room next door. So he creeps out of bed, goes in the hallway and opens the other room. There he sees his mom laying on the bed on her back, totally naked, and his father above her, hands on her thighs, etc. etc.
So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?". Again, the man stumbles a little and says, "Why, we're makin' you a little brother or sister, son."

So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over. I want a puppy!"

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A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this.

As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced, "Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!" Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, "And you two chicken-******s get up here with me."

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A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead."

Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he got stuck under the bridge.

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"

The truck driver said, "No officer,... I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"

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During his monthly visit to the corner barbershop, this fellow asked his barber for any suggestions on how to treat his increasing baldness.

After a brief pause, the barber leaned over and confided that the best thing he'd come across was "female juices."

"But you're balder than I am," protested the customer.

"True," admitted the barber, "but you've gotta admit: I've got one hell of a mustache!"

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A teacher was giving a lesson in sex education to her fourth grade class. After showing a brief film and reading the lesson, she asked if anyone had any questions.

One little boy held up his hand shyly. "Teacher, I have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies. Is this sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

A little girl raised her hand. "Teacher, I have a girl cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens. Is that sex?"

"Yes, that's sex," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny then raised his hand. "Teacher, the other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled with Sylvester Stallone. Is that sex?"

"No, that was not sex," the teacher replied.

"Good," Little Johnny replied. "I always thought it would take more than three guys to screw Sylvester Stallone."