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I just don't know what to do anymore...
Seriously I don't.
I am 16, living at home. I work part-time at local grocery store (Loblaws if you must know), I have school, I do co-op (course where you get to spend half the day out in the workplace... I'm at ISP), I do community service for school (need 40 hours to graduate) and because I'm such a nice guy, plus I have 6 younger brothers and sisters. So, I'm busy as hell right now. We used to live in Toronto, but we're now living in small rural town 2 hours north.
Ever since we moved from Toronto, we've had money trouble. Mostly because we were somewhat forced to move as the company my dad was Chief Technical Officer for was going under.
The whole money problem thing has gone up and down the last 3 years. Some months we had plenty of $$, other times, we'd be down to our last $50. My dad has been doing contract programming for start-up companies in California, and he does this from home. A lot of these companies go under and don't pay up, which in turn fucks us up the ass. I don't know how the fuck my dad is able to believe that he can do this kind of stuff from home and support a family of NINE. I keep telling him about jobs in town with STEADY paychecks, but he never does anything about them.
Over the last few months, the money thing has gotten really bad. A few months back I lent my parents $300 for groceries. They said I would get the $$ back a few days later, and that the money stuff would get straightened out. Well, 3 months later, I haven't seen a dime, and they've borrowed nearly $2000.
And now its Xmas, and they've got no $$. I don't give a fuck about presents. I'd be happy just getting socks. I think my siblings will be somewhat shocked, being that a few of them are spoiled little brats. But, I don't care about that either. Its just my mom is being really paranoid about money, and my dad is falling apart. I have to give credit to my mom, because she looks after kids all day, and went out and got a job to try and help more financially. My dad on the other hand has fallen into deep depression, he hides away in his office pretending to be working, he sleeps a lot, and he seems to be on the edge all the time.
For 5 solid months all I've heard is how things are "looking up", but things keep getting worse, and a fight between my parents a few minutes ago was a harsh reminder of that for me. I just don't know what to do. With the amount of $$ I've been dishing out, I think I would be helping enough, but things aren't getting any better. My dad is 50, and we don't have a penny in savings or retirement or anything. How the fuck is he supposed to retire one day? They also have another 16 years of child raising to do! I want to move out after high school, but even if I have the $$ to do that, will they have the money to support themselves?
I just don't fucking know. I feel so frustrated, being that I don't know what will make them get their shit together. Do I just tell them I'm not giving them anymore cash? Do I just be openly honest with my dad, and tell him to get his shit together (Even though I am scared as to how he would respond to that).
I seriously need some help, because I am feeling lost and confused. Trance is my only escape.
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This society sucks period in terms of making a living because it's all about the $ Greed.
That means a chance to still come on top. Take advantage of what is being learned. Revise your stratagem if needed. Remember what has been taught and use it as a personal building block. Hey better learn now while you're young than 40 years down the road.
Reinforce yourself that you will survive through it.
Few things matters. Continue learning, staying strong and true to yourself and those who matters around you. Yes only 16 don't forget to have fun too.
