"Say, Bill," a man said to his pal, "how do you like your new job?"

"It's the worst job I ever had."

"How long have you been there?"

"About three months."

"Why don't you quit?"

"No way. This is the first time in 20 years that I've looked forward to going home."

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A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.
"Have you any last requests? asked the Warden

'Yes," replied the murderer. "Will you hold my hand?"

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The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarrelling with his neighbours, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them.

"Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?"

"Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."

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It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's performance.

In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries.

After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

------------------------

Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really down in the dumps.

"What's the matter?" Bill asked.

"I don't' get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many damn people you have to please.

"Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me.

"Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me.

"And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"

------------------------

A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned.

"Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?"

With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater three times a day."

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Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar.

George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing.

Later that evening, he parked his pickup truck in front of her house and left it there all night.