A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered. This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing. It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading, "Keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

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Arriving for her artificial insemination, Mrs. Aldiss was surprised when the attendant locked the door behind them and began taking off his clothes.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Sorry," said the young man, "but we're all out of the bottled stuff. I've got to give you draft."

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A politician running hard for office toured the country on a whirlwind campaign that took him from Portland, Maine, to Portland, Oregon, and from Anchorage to Miami as well as to every backwoods hamlet and village between the larger centres.

And like other office-seekers, the campaigning politician always took his wife along, especially to the more remote locations.

"But it proved of little use," he said to a friend, "she always found her way back."

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John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted. Bob, the owner, had had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once. The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post. "Look at him. He's afraid to cough."

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As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

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