January 13, 2003: Manchester United 7 Newcastle United 1

Manchester United's march towards the FA Barclaycard Premiership continued today after a stunning display at Old Trafford.

United went ahead just before the kick-off when Rio Ferdinand's through-ball sent the linesman away down the right flank. His cross was handled on the half-way line by a Newcastle defender, and Ruud van Nistelrooy stepped up to slot the ball home for his 66th penalty of the season, after hitting both posts, the bar and Shay Given's head. It was no more than United deserved.

The 15th minute saw the Super Reds go two up after Craig Bellamy was penalised for coughing just outside the area. Juan Sebastian Veron's free kick was handled by Aaron Hughes, struck first time by Giggs, hit the back of a defender's boot, bounced up, struck the rim of a spectator's spectacles in the North Stand and floated, assisted by a freak wind, into the top corner of the Newcastle net. It was no more than United deserved.

The 21st minute saw more trouble for Newcastle, when Alan Shearer was sent off for enquiring about referee Uriah Rennie's red shirt. Two minutes before the interval Newcastle struck back after an amazing piece of good fortune, Laurent Robert hitting home the rebound after a shot had been stopped on the line by the referee. Man United could scarcely believe their bad luck. Alex Ferguson threw down his programme, spat his chewing gum out and wouldn't talk to anyone for ten minutes. The restart saw unsportsmanlike Bobby Robson making ridiculous claims for a penalty after Laurent Blanc had accidentally beaten up Gary Speed. The referee had missed the incident due to his red scarf flowing in his eyes. Ten minutes later Ferguson took off Roy Keane and replaced him with three other players.

Man Utd's third came after Kieron Dyer had been caught offside in his own penalty area. Ryan Giggs took the free-kick, which bobbled home after hitting the underside of the floodlights at the Stretford End. The referee claimed the final touch. It was no more than United deserved.

Super-marvel-wonder-Reds goal number four came after ninety-eight minutes after Titus Bramble had conceded a penalty for blatantly glancing at the referee. It was no more than United deserved.

So 4-1 at full time, but referee Uriah Rennie sportingly agreed to call it 7-1 after Ferguson threatened to cry and stamp his feet if he didn't. It was no more than United deserved...

Interpreters reported that most of Man United's fans said they had never seen United lose and so would seriously consider going to a second game as long as it was at Old Trafford and refereed by Uriah Rennie, and they could get a better hotel room the next time they came to England...





I love Manchester United, they are great - I know that because I watch them on Sky TV all the time. I once drove past Manchester on my way to a wedding a few years ago but I didn't have time to get to a match (next time maybe). My favourite player is Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, but I think I will make it David Beckham soon because he is worth more now.

They are the best team in the world and I love getting together with all my Man Utd supporter friends here in London to watch old videos of Bobby Charlton and George Best (some of them have only liked Man U for a couple of years since Arsenal haven't been doing very well recently - I used to support Arsenal until Ian Wright left, they're boring now).

I love all of Man Utd's strips and I have bought them all for sitting in front of the telly - my girlfriend wears one too (she loves Ryan Giggs but she still doesn't understand the offside rule).

I once met a couple of blokes in a pub who were from Manchester but they supported a team called City - apparently only the really poor people from Manchester support them instead of United and it's unheard of that someone from London would support City. I can't understand why anyone would support a team who haven't won anything in years. Some people support a team just because they were born there - they must be mad!

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