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The fact is there are different sorts of meters. And usually what you see are not VU meters...
Real VU meters are like those you see on old equipment, with the needle moving left and right. They are designed to respond the same way as we hear (our ears need some time to perceive a sound as loud). The reaction time is about 360 ms. You can test this scientifically. If you play two short burts of sound that are of the same volume, but the first peak is VERY short, and the other is longer, you'll have the impression that the second sound is louder. That's because our ear needs to adapt first. They tried to imitate that on a VU meter. So if the needle is high, you'll really perceive it as a loud sound.
Most actual mixers have led meters that respond much faster. So they'll react much more heavily on transients we don't really hear as louder. Yet those meters don't react as fast as professional peakmeters (like RTW's) or digital peakmeters (look at the meters in a recording prog like soundforge and compare with your mixers meters). The only dj mixers I know that have those super fast responding meters are the Dateq mixers (the high end ones).
When you're dealing with VU meters, the ideal soundquality you'll get from your mixer is when the loudest parts of the signal are averaging around 0 VU. So peaks above are accepted.
Those superfast responding peakmeters are designed to give you the transient levels also, and those don't reflect the loudness. It's best to peak them at 0dB (like in broadcast appliances).
The meters you find on your mixer are usually between those extremes. So you will find the best spot is average around the 0dB, but the peaks won't go that high. Max +3dB occasionally I'd say.
It also depends on how much compressed your music is. Very dynamic signal can have louder peaks. On the other hand if the music is squashed to death, you'll lower the volume (because the overall loudness will be higher on the second one).
Why all this scientific mumbojumbo. Just to prove I know my theory 
Don't trust the meters, trust your ears. Use the meters only to roughly set your initial gain, and then forget about them...
Your ears are MUCH more sensitive when it comes to loudness more than anything else.
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